The Maine holiday is upon us and I hope to goodness that none of the excursions Rich and I partake in require 1) sneakers, 2) fanny packs, 3) long pants to ward off Lyme-disease causing ticks, 4) parallel parking, 5) us to take tours of hatcheries, where we will be sujected to seeing mother lobsters and their babies (I'm afraid it's all too emotional for me), 6) me eating lobster meat that is not imitation, 7) an excess of insect-infested nature, 8) sun screen (I'm currently allergic to it and that I'm exposing my skin to deadly UV rays is killing me on the inside--as well on the outside), 9) eating outdoors, or 10) too much exertion.
Oh, and I hope my driving skills kick in when I'm behind the wheel because, truthfully, it's been well over a month since I've practiced.
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14 comments:
1) Sneakers: required;
2) "Fanny pack" has quite a different meaning to the British (Google it: "fanny [pack] british slang");
3) Pants: optional;
4) No parallel parking;
5) Hatcheries: unlikely, but things could get crazy;
6) You gotta eat some lobster (maybe freshly hatched!);
7) Let's get those bug patches (any idea what I'm talking about?);
8) You can wear a big hat;
9) See previous;
10) I'm going to walk you like you've never been walked in your life -- bring lots of bandaids for your blisters.
*Also, I don't want any vacation photos to end up on this blog, at least not of me; thank you. I don't intend on shaving while we're on vacation. If you must, let's photoshop Jake Gyllenhaal to stand in for me in your vacation photos; or, you know, Anne Hathaway.
Here are the books I have to read for school while we're away... "10th Grade" (a YA novel); "Colorado King" (by Stephen King); "My Sister's Keeper" (who chooses these summer reading books?); "A Hope in the Unseen"; "Lord of the Flies" (or watch the movie upon returning); and, for fun, "God Is Dead" (which I've saved just for Maine); also "The Thin Place" if I haven't finished it by then.
you are going on vacations with boyfriends? What is wrong with you. This is very bad parenting. SHAADI KARO!
1) But I haven't worn sneakers outside of the gym in 15 years. Socks, laces, it's all so...suffocating! I'm afraid flip flops must do! No worries, I've walked up and down Manhattan in all varieties of shoes. Hiking in flip flops will be a breeze!
PS: I want to make my blog seem super popular, so I'm going to address each of your responses in a different comment box!
2) I just googled your British "fanny" and, oh my! I blush, I blush!
How and when did this semantic shift change place? Where is Professor Costello (wasn't that what our linguistics professor called?) when you need him?
3) Good because I strictly skirt and dress during the summers. It's a new rule of life for me.
Goodness, look at all of these comments! I'm so popular! Sigh.
4) Please tell me there won't be much K-turning either...or driving for that matter because, seriously, unless it's like swimming and kicks in all instinct-like, I'm going to be one unreliable driver. It just isn't something that interests me.
5) Just as long as the craziness doesn't involve us munching on lobster while observing the mama and baby lobsters at the aquarium, I'm good.
6) But they're boiled ALIVE.....
Crustaceans, by the way, will forever remind me of the "Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock."
Wait, maybe it's the other way around...?
7) are these bug patches anything like nicotine patches or LSD patches?
8)&9) A wide brimmed hat like a sombrero, maybe? I'm so gonna Ugly Betty it.
10) I rather enjoy promenading. Perhaps we can engage in a flurry of letter writing afterwards. This holiday's going to be so Austenian, I can feel it!
*I'd rather not plaster pics from the vacation anywhere online either. Folks will have to do with photos of inanimate objects such as rocks and our rental car.
I still don't have my books! Aye!
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