WHY LAS VEGAS ISN'T THE MARRIAGE CAPITAL OF THE WORLD

As many of you know, I'm leaving for Pakistan on Sunday.
Pakistan and weddings are synonymous. The country is in the business of weddings. Wedding halls line up the streets in Karachi and the mild winter temperatures inspire a mad, colorful, festive, exciting and fun rush to these halls. When I visited two years ago, my relatives had grueling wedding party schedules, going from one mehndi (a party traditionally held the night before the wedding, during which henna is applied to the hands and feet of the bride while everyone else parties. The bride and groom can have separate mehndis or one big, combined shindig) to a shaadhi (wedding reception) to a valima (a reception thrown by the groom's side of the family on the night following the shaadhi) all in one night.
"Sometimes, we simply can't make everyone happy," my friend HS's mother told me once, looking over a (I kid you not) pile of cards for different wedding events on the kitchen counter. "Sometimes one must simply pick and choose."
And people pick and choose very carefully. After all, wedding parties are ripe with matchmaking opportunities. Among the more traditional families, weddings offer opportunities for aunties to scope out potential mates for their single kids (of course, bachelors and bachelorettes scope each other out as well). Therefore, looking good at weddings is a must and a lot of care and effort goes into glamming up for these events. If you guys have seen Monsoon Wedding, you know how elaborate and gorgeous the outfits are. Throw thousands of dollars worth of jewelry on top and you're set to impress.
So, the reason I bring this up is because, you and I both know that if my mom and her cohorts' matchmaking efforts in the States are bad, they will reach unmatched heights while in the wedding capital of the world (you guys thought that was Las Vegas, didn't you? Didn't you?).
The following is the conversation my mom and I had today. It was in Urdu but, for obvious reasons (such as the fact that transliterating my conversation in Urdu would be a pain and useless to all of you non-Urdu speakers) I've translated it into English.
As you will see, my misery (and perhaps comedy, which always seems to go hand in hand with misery) has already started.

Amma: I spoke to Khursheed earlier today. (Khursheed, by the way, is her younger sister)
Me: Oh great. How is she? How are the kids?
Amma: Everyone's doing fine. They're counting down the days to when we arrive in Karachi.
Me: How exciting! I can't wait to see them!
Amma: And they live very close to HS, so we won't have any problems going back and forth.
Me: Yah. That's awesome.
Amma: Sabila, we shouldn't be opposed to looking and keeping an open mind.
Me (thinking): WHA? where did that come from???!!!
Me (saying): Looking? At what?
Amma: At boys for rishtas (engagements).
Me (thinking): Like, seriously, what in the hell is going on?
Me (saying): Oh, like, what?
Amma: Both boys are American-born.
Me (thinking): I need a translator.
Me (saying, clearly still recovering from the shell shock): There are boys?
Amma: Yes. Osama's wife (Yes, my aunt Khursheed's son is named Osama. No, he has nothing to do with terrorist activities) comes from a very good family and she has an uncle who lives in New York. He's lived in the states for over 30 years now. He has two sons. The younger one is a computer (insert computer profession of choice here---I sorta zoned out at this point), is (insert age here) years old and was born in (insert name of New York town here). They're looking for a Pakistani-American girl for him. And, guess what?! They're going to be visiting Pakistan in January!
Me (thinking): UGH!
Me (saying): Joy.
Amma: And, Arqam (Khursheed's oldest son who is a doctor in Oregon) knows an American born doctor who works with him. He's going to be vacationing in Pakistan as well! So, Khursheed suggested that we meet both of the boys and their families at her house.
Me (thinking): There goes my vacation.
Me (saying): Not on the same day, I hope (wakka, wakka, wakka).
Amma: Of course not, silly!
Me (thinking): Seriously! SERIOUSLY!!!!
Me (saying): Whatever.

So, there will be matchmaking in Pakistan, which I assure you I will escape with the expertise of a Houdini-like person.