It's not me, it's you

Blogger and I are going through a rough patch. I don’t know what it is, but this just doesn’t seem to be working anymore. I’ve been gone for four days but Blogger is being a jerk. You’d think he’d welcome me back eagerly. This, however, hasn’t been the case. I’m trying to publish a few new posts but it keeps giving me the same error message, over and over again. “There were errors.” How cryptic is that? Errors? What kinds of errors? Did I do something wrong, Blogger? When I push Blogger for answers, I get: “001 java.io.IOException: EOF while reading from control connection.” It’s like we’re speaking different languages and everyone knows that communication is the key to any successful relationship. It’s like we’re Noah’s descendants in Babylon and we’re like building a really tall tower to the heavens to reach God and stuff but God isn’t having any of it so he totally mixes us up by making us speak different languages and we can't communicate how to build the tower so we end up going crazy and fighting and not reaching heaven. And that sucks.

We’re on the verge of losing paradise Blogger, so you better shape up and learn my language. I want to make this work. I do. But this here is a two way street and I’m driving north on it all alone and I’m looking for you going south but you’re not there. I mean, there’s a glare on the road, yes, but I’m wearing my shades and I still don’t see you. I’m trying to wash my one hand but I can’t because you, my other hand are being a lazy prig and refusing to help out. I WANT to wash my hand dammit! I just got back from the gym and I want to wash my hand! Have you tried clapping with one hand? Well, a tree that falls in a forest doesn’t make a sound if there’s no one there to hear it and my one hand can’t freaking clap on its own, dammit. I’m scratching your back, Blogger, but you’re not scratching mine. And it's itching. Like crazy.

Blogger, blogger, you bastard I’m through.