OUR NERD BAKES

I've always been very vigilant about my dad's diet. Although his diabetes is more or less under control and he's always had normal blood pressure and cholestrol, I think he carries way too much weight around the middle which, along with the diabetes, makes him vulnerable to many other health issues. He's put on quite a few pounds after our trip to Pakistan and, as a result, has heard more than one lecture from me about the importance of diet and exercise. I'm proud of him though; he's been able to stick to high fiber, low-fat natural foods recently and is looking even more handsome than usual.

I don't have the patience to enjoy cooking. I cook dozens of food items from scratch on Thanksgiving and that's only because I feel like I must uphold this silly tradition of self-torture that I started back in the day when I subscribed to Family Circle for the recipes (please read previous blog post entitled "Iron Chef: Khan Family Thanksgiving" for background). That I rolled back my sleeves and stepped into the kitchen determined to do more than throw a veggie burger into the microwave was rather earth shattering. Earlier today abu had mentioned that he felt like having dessert later, so I was determined to whip up something both delicious and healthy.

I call the following concoction "Fields of Gold":

INGREDIENTS

3 cups puffed wheat cereal
1 ripe golden delicious apple
2 egg whites, slightly beaten
1 1/2 cups plain fat-free yogurt
1 cup flour
24 packets Equal
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoon baking soda (we were out of baking soda, so I threw in baking powder instead; close enough, no?)

1) crush puffed wheat cereal in food processor and put in a large mixing bowl
2) throw golden delicious apple in food processor; spoon mixture out into separate, smaller bowl
3) go out for a walk with a sibling and/or friend
4) add egg whites and yogurt to apple
5) take a break to check your email and read news on CNN.com; mull over how effed up the world is
6) call best friend to talk about how effed up world is; be a good friend and listen to her bitch about demanding post grad schedule
7) mix flour, Equal, salt and baking soda (OR powder because, seriously, like, what's the difference?)
8) go to brother's place to debate illegal alien controversy, whether or not Crash should have taken the Oscar over Brokeback Mountain and how badass Jack Bauer is
9) wonder why the hell you decided to bake in the first place
10) think about returning home to pop muffin batter into oven
11) call home and ask mother if she can spoon batter into muffin pan and pop pan into oven
12) return home when mom refuses to finish what you started, spoon batter into muffin pan and pop pan into oven for 20 minutes or until muffins turn golden brown
13) when mom asks if these are lemon muffins, tell her "Sure!" with confidence
14) when family comments that muffins are slightly undercooked, say that they're SUPPOSED to be moist and chewy.
15) smile when dad asks for seconds