As you know, kittens, my love of FiberOne cereal has been well-documented on this blog. I've longed for those fiber-filled twigs after the most delicious weekend brunches and craved them while exercising at the gym. I've even had dreams (yes, actual nighttime dreams!) of eating bowls of FiberOne during boardroom meetings and at ballgames. Is there anything more delicious than a chilled, slightly mushy bowl of FiberOne for breakfast? The answer, my friends, is no. Simply, no.
Yes, FiberOne has been a staple breakfast food for me for quite some time now. As a matter of fact, it's been such a long time that, while in the cereal aisle the other day, I was suddenly struck with intense FiberOne fatigue. Without warning everything I loved about the delicious and nutritious manna from the General Mills gods was wiped clean from my memory and all I could thtink about was how I'd be happiest if I never saw another box of FiberOne cereal again!
So, I stormed down the aisle, determined to find another cereal with which to replace my recently disgraced best-morning-friend. Surely, there was a product out there that offered the same calorie-fiber-sugar ratio FiberOne did, right?
Wrong, oh, I was ever so wrong.
Boxes sang out to me in all of their clean, straigh-lined glory; they touted bowls brimming with flakes and raisins and fruits. The promises made and the claims boasted on one side of the box were mostly empty when I looked to the other side of the box. Where was that lovely calorie-fiber-sugar ratio to which I had become so accustomed? Was there really only one cereal on the market that I could live with? Are the cereal fates so cruel?
Yes, readers, they are.
That being said, I refused to leave the supermarket without at least one brand of cereal I had never before sampled under my arm, goddamnit. Calorie-fiber-sugar ratio be damned, I wanted to try something new. So, I bought this:
These two cereals struck me as fun, delicious, and nutritious...but they didn't hold a candle to my FiberOne. Yes, readers, my journey in the cereal aisle that day, even with two strange boxes of cereal already in my arms, led me right back to what I thought was ol' faithful but, what did I find but IMPOSTERS! The FiberOne section was cluttered, littered with FiberOne Honey Clusters, FiberOne Raisin Bran Clusters, and something called FiberOne Caramel Delight. The one glaring omission, of course, was my dear FiberOne Original. Alas, these strange varieties of FiberOne don't have the nutrition, taste, or enjoyment that FiberOne Original offers me with each and every bowl and so I left with my underwhelming Kashi Honey Sunshine and Organic Flax Plus Multibran cereals, dejected and guilt-ridden about what felt like my complicity in what I suspect is the phasing out of the best cereal on the market.
Perhaps I never deserved FiberOne Original, though it tasted so...right.