TUSCANY

I love, love, love Under the Tuscan Sun. No movie has ever made me want to get married, discover my husand's cheating on me, get divorced, lose everything to the philandering husband in the divorce, fall into depression, vacation in Tuscany in order to fall out of depression, impulsively purchase a ramshackle villa and set out to repair it in order to find meaning and purpose in my life and make out with hot Italian men along the way, more.

So, I've superimposed my head on Diane Lane's and I'm daydreaming that it's me in the movie, that it's my life that's been turned upside down. Taking a break from reading, I decide I'm going to Google Image pics of the Tuscan landscape and the only image that I find striking as a thumbnail is the following, which upon closer examination makes me gasp, "Even those Tuscans have sold out to the monstrosity of gated communities!! Anti-social Italian elitists be damned!"


But then I read that this is a pic of a gated community in Vegas called Tuscany. So, I breathe a sigh of relief, damn the anti-social American elitists of Nevada and continue surveying my search results. And then I come across this image--



--but quickly realize that it's a pic of a Las Vegas hotel. I damn Nevada for its obsession with Tuscany and move on until I find this, the only decent pic of Tuscany that Google-Image has retrieved for me. Anyone can see that there are several problems with it, that lady being the most glaring of them:



Plus, at first glance, that branch--or whatever the hell that thing hovering above the chair with the blue jacket draped on it is--looks to me like a taxidermied bird of prey. This freaks me out a little bit. Clearly, it isn't a taxidermied anything and, clearly, taxidermied isn't a verb. But then again, when did Google-Image'd become a verb? There are other problems with the photo that seemed to stick out at me like a monkey in a boardroom in one of those "What Doesn't Belong Here?" drawings, but they're no longer sticking out, so they couldn't have been THAT important or so monkey-in-the-boardroom problematic.

I'm sleepy.
Good night.