I heart flying...NOT!!!!!

The following is an excerpt from the very lame journal I kept in Pakistan (it's lame because it's practically empty. I managed to fill up a grand total of 10 pages. Who was I kidding, thinking that I'd have time to record my Pakistani experience? I barely had time to shop, let alone journal!)
As I explained in a previous post, I developed a fear of flying post-9/11. All of my flying experiences since have been terrible, usually ending with me slumped down in my seat, sobbing.
I knew that this vacation involved a lot of flying: New York to Manchester; Manchester to Islamabad; Islamabad to Karachi; Karachi to Islamabad; Islamabad to Manchester; Manchester to New York. Now, for a person who's afraid of flying, six takeoffs is a lot like riding a donkey cart to hell without sunscreen.
I braced myself for the long hours of air time I'd have to endure and halfway through the trip, I realized that I wasn't hating it so much.
I thought I'd write about how I was loving the flying on the flight from Karachi to Islamabad. That journal entry follows (and I swear all of this happened for real. THIS is the comedy of my life.).
Warning: the following excerpt from my journal contains loads of expletives.
Warning #2: the following isn't my best writing, but could you have really done any better if you were in my situation?

1/15/06, 1:12PM Paki time

Our flight was 2 hours late because the caterers who provide food to PIA are on strike. I don't think there's going to be any food served on this flight, which, considering the volumes of food I've consumed in Pakistan so far, is probably a good thing. But, man, I'm hungry. I didn't have breakfast because I was so looking forward to our plane food.
Oh well.
Anyway, I feel like I've mostly gotten over my 9/11 post-traumatic stress fear of flying. I've been able to enjoy all of the flights I've been on so far. I mean, I still HATE take offs. I swear, my life flashes before my eyes each time the plane takes towards the sky. But, otherwise, I love being in the air, staring out at the clouds. I even have the window seat this--
HOLY SHIT!
THE PLANE JUST FUCKIN' DROPPED! IT DROPPED! OH SHIT, SMACK, HELL!
THEY'RE STILL SERVING DRINKS (in lieu of a full meal) and the seat belt signs haven't appeared yet! WHERE THE EFF ARE THE SEAT BELT SIGNS?! OMG! OH MAN! OH! I HAVE SO MUCH LIVING TO DO!
DAMMIT! I WANT KIDS! I WANT TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS!
What the FUCK is up with this FUCKIN' busted ass plane. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
This plane's shaking! I want to go home RIGHT NOW!
The plane's been freakin' dropping, shaking us like salad dressing and the seat belt sign JUST NOW GOES ON! WHAT THE EFFFFF!
The pilot just announced that we're experiencing turbulence (no, REALLY?!) and that we're going to have turbulence for 20 minutes or so (NO, REALLY?!).
Okay, I'm scared. I'm scared, scared. The flight attendants have taken their seats, which I KNOW is a VERY BAD SIGN.
I'm scared. I'm not on the verge of passing out, pissing my pants, vomiting scared, but I'm scared.
Scratch that. I'm fuckin' scared out of my mind. This is one motherfuckin' bumpy ass ride. Hell, all this writing isn't distracting me. I don't even remember what I was writing about before this freakin' turbulence started OH GOD!
WHY THE HELL DO WE FLY! DAMN THOSE WRIGHT BROTHERS TO HELL!
oh man, ay caramba, eat my shorts, holy shit, MY LIFE IS FLASHING BEFORE MY EYES.
I'm halfway down my seat and I'm crying and Shafaat's laughing at me! OH MAN.
I miss walking. I miss WALKING!
God, pls. I want to survive. Pls. be with me. I need you. I trust you. All I want is to go back home. PLEASE. WHAT THE FREAKIN' HELL IS GOING ON?
I hope my diary survives if this damn plane crashes.
Something just beeped. Two beeps! What the hell do two beeps mean!
Wait, is the plane landing? Why does the plane feel like it's descending? ARE WE REALLY CRASHING? Why don't I have a PILLOW?
Wait, the flight attendants are up and walking the aisle again. Did that male flight attendant (a semi-hottie) just joke with my dad?
Oh. I think we're going to make it. That's cool.
Phew.