I don't care for people who flash me.
To all of you freaks out there who enjoy exposing yourselves to me: stop it! Just STOP IT! Why must you flash ME of all people? I've never asked for it! I don't leave home with the desire to see some weird random dude schlonging his schlong. It's just not cool.
It's like these pervs are trying to get into some weirdo freak fraternity whose primary hazing practice is FLASHING ME!!!
UGH!
So, a couple of nights ago, I'm minding my own business at the gym, myofascially releasing my piriformis on a medicine ball, when I notice an older man and his scrotum smiling at me.
At first I smile back.
When the scene finally registers in my brain, I turn away, shocked and confused:
Is this an intentional flash or is it inadvertent?
Doesn't the old man feel the air hitting places it shouldn't be hitting quite so freely?
Is he SO OBLIVIOUS?! Is he so desperately perverted that he'd showoff his jewel sack at his gym?? That's like dropping your pants at the office or taking a crap where you eat: there's just no going back.
Once I've managed to compose myself (I've also managed to impressively maintain my balance on the medicine ball, I should add), I peek at the geezer through the corner of my eye. He's still doing the right-leg-straight-left-leg-crossing-over-right-leg-with-left-foot-on-the-floor lower back stretch, and both he and his scrotum continue to leer at me.
And at that moment, he looks just like the rest of them:
1) dude in the office building across the street from my balcony (oy! again, one does not drop his/her pants in the workplace! I was ten at the time. It took me another five or so years to realize what exactly it was that he was doing. UGH.)
2) kid in the elevator (a perv prodigy, apparently)
3) guy on the bus (I was on my way back from SCHOOL for goodness' sake. I was wearing a freakin' uniform...that may explain it. Ew.)
4) guy at the airport in Jordan (we had a layover in Jordan on the way back from Pakistan 14 years ago. Actually, he looked a lot like the guy on the bus. Wonder if they were related. Perviness might just run in the family).
5) that harmless looking short guy on the platform at the Newport Path Station (I had the misfortune of seeing him two times; luckily, the second time, I walked the hell away when I saw him start to repeat his old shenanigans).
I was so disgusted that instead of beaming the guy's groin area with the medicine ball, or killing him with my mastery of Aikido, I just got up, walked to the front desk and complained.
They said they'd keep an eye on him.
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6 comments:
I love this post more than life itself. Except maybe the Photographs post. But for severely different reasons.
that's AWFUL and incredibly disgusting. i'm so sorry you had to go through that...
Craig, I promise I'll give you the gory details on Monday!
It was horrible but, thankfully, my buddies at the gym and I were able to have a good laugh about my lam-o flasher luck.
I'm like a flasher magnet.
HOw bizarre you attrack them like that ....tidbits about male behavior> men ALWAYS know the exact location of jewels/jewelsac...any exposure thereof is INTENTIONAL....age is irrelevant ...just means they been doing it longer (no pun)....ANY reaction from you other than lack of acknowledgement reinforces the behavior ie..the purpose is to GET a reaction to prove to themselves that they are male/intact/etc.....sort of like a CASTRATION ANXIETY of males ages 4-6 but has persisted into adulthood for lack of maturation on their part...........anyway sorry you have been visually assaulted...
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