So, walking home with the trainer last night, he told me that he and another client of his had been talking about me the other day. He'd said something like, "That girl doesn't have a mean bone in her body,"* to which this other client, a kindly gentleman with whom I'm also acquainted, replied, "Well, that's unfortunate then because all it means is that she'll get walked over in life."
What he said implies that I'm going to be a sad, sorry, trodden-upon failure in my personal and, quite possibly, my professional life. Which isn't necessarily true but it sure does make me wonder if that's what people think of me.
*And, dammit, I do have mean bones. I hate on people I don't like ALL the time. As a matter of fact, I might've walked all over quite a few:
Like this one time, I glared down this dude who was talking smack about my big brother (and my big brother couldn't say or do anything because of circumstances)...then I started tearing up because it was so emotionally intense, but I still HATE that dude and talk to him all bitchy-like when I have to talk to him (because on top of everything else, he's a MISOGYNIST!)which, luckily, isn't very often at all.
Oh, and this one time, when I was a tween, my mom and I were at a department store on the day of a big post-Christmas clearance sale and this woman tried to cut in front of us and then said something very rude to my mom and I totally told her off, even though my mother was trying to stop me and I was all like, "No, who the HELL do you think you are, talking to my MOTHER like that. I WANT YOU TO APOLOGIZE RIGHT NOW!" She was a bloody asshole but her poor husband was crap-scared of me at the time and apologized profusely on her behalf. So, I did end up tearing up a little while I was telling the mega bitch off, so what.
I guess it's also time to face the fact that I, too, participated in group teasing a kid when I was in elementary school. In many ways, she was lower than even I was in the school food chain and what prey wouldn't relish the rare opportunity to be predator?
And, even though I try very hard not to judge, I'm icy with folks for whom I don't have very much respect; in all honesty, I actually enjoy being icy to such folks. And I DON'T even tear up (although I do occassionally become sad and regretful when people try to change my opinion about them, but let's not talk about that).
So, see, I do have mean bones.