DEAR MADLIBBIN' PARASAILER: An Open Letter

Dear Madlibbin' Parasailer*:

How you doin'?
Ahem.

Yours,
The Nerddd

*Madlibbin' Parasailer is a(n) (in)frequent blog commenter, veiled in a shroud of anonymity, to whom our Nerddd has taken a shine.

This post demonstrates, better than any of her previous posts, our Nerddd's weak game and total cluelessness when it comes to man.

Will the Madlibbin' Parasailer speak?
Will he be turned off by the absurd dramatization of this post?
Will he feel objectified and tell our Nerddd off?

Stay tuned folks!

DEAR MADLIBBIN' PARASAILER: An(other) Open Letter

Dear Madlibbin' Parasailer:

I must confess that I awaited your response with bated breath. Though I may have shocked my devoted readers into a rare silence (actually, a thank you goes out to Cyberfish for leaving a comment and not making me feel like a freak), I am much relieved that you didn't find my pickup line to be bold or presumptuous. That you find me charming is rather marvelous. I blush. Your comments remain delightful; you know how to please a lady's demure sensibilities and for this, I thank you.

I've decided, dear sir, that I shall ask you five questions at a time. Though I have dozens of questions for you, the last thing I'd want is for you to feel overwhelmed. The first five questions follow in no particular order. Remember, how much or how little you reveal about yourself is entirely your choice. I've been told that not everyone is an exhibitionist* like me.

Onto the questions!

1) If you could spend one year of perfect, blissful happiness but afterward would remember nothing of the experience, would you do so? If not, why not?
2) Would you call yourself "emotionally constipated"?
3) My friend ES asks, do you prefer boxers or briefs?
4) Do you LOVE your job? Why or why not?
5) Finally, gasp, I have inlaws?! Or do you mean you have inlaws?! Gasp!

*dear readers, I don't mean to say that I flash my bits in public. That's gross. I simply mean that I enjoy sharing details of my life with complete strangers on a public, online medium, as I'm doing right here, in this post. This, I understand, might not be true of everyone.
Interestingly enough, I've always seemed to attract exhibitionists. People love flashing me. It's extremely curious and disturbing.

DEAR MADLIBBIN' PARASAILER: Oh Yah, It's Another One of Those Open Letters

Dear Madlibbin Parasailer:

Hi! How've you been?

It's been quite some time since my readers have heard from you and, honestly, I still have quite a few questions I'd like to ask you before determining if you are, in fact, THE ONE. I hope you don't mind.

So, following are my questions:

1) As you well know, I love animals. I'll stop, drop, and roll in a dress during a work meeting if doing so meant I could save a critter, however large or small (I've been known to save quite a few insects in my time). You are also aware of my awful animal allergies, the medications I live on in order to keep my cat Zanadune, my undying dream of someday adopting two dogs and three cats (I developed a soft spot for cats with special needs during my stint as a volunteer at KittyKind, so I'd be happy to take in the ones that no one else wants), and my vegetarianism.

How do you feel about animals? Did you have pets growing up? Do you have pets now? Do you hope to someday have pets? How do you feel about groups like PETA, the ASPCA, and the WWF?

Please, don't let my position on the issues of animal rights influence your answer.

I look forward to hearing from you dear sir!

Yours,
The Nerddd

DEAR MADLIBBIN' PARASAILER: An Open Letter in Which I Finally Answer Your Questions

Dear Madlibbin' Parasailer:

Without further ado, following are your questins and my answers to them.

1. You obviously have an affinity for writing and work in the publishing business. Do you have any aspirations to publish your own work?

Eventually (I'll explain later).

2. Which of your favorite books would you like to see made into a movie and which actors would you cast in the role of the main characters?

I don't think I'd ever wish for a favorite book to be adapted to the big screen.

3. Books aside, what is your favorite work of art?

I couldn't possibly pick just one work of art as my favorite. I haven't been able to choose a single favorite thing of mine--books included--in, like, 18 years (alas, I designated favorites rather arbitrarily during the first ten years of life). So, what I'll do is, choose a few of my favorites artists, writers aside,
I love the Impressionists like Monet, Cassatt, and Renoir; Edward Hopper; though I've never really been taken with modern art, I do love me some Jasper Johns; Rodin; and, who isn't enamored of the Pre-Raphealites, etc, etc, etc.

4. What is your idea of a perfect vacation?

a) a car, a road atlas and the Pacific Coast Highway;
b) a cruise ship, tons of food that's bad for me, and the Caribbean;
c) a spa holiday

5. How do you feel about hockey?

I was all about hockey when I was a kid. Alas, I've outgrown it since.

Your turn to answer the same questions, which I'm sure you'll do much more eloquently than I have here. I plead exhaustion.

Yours,
The Nerddd

DEAR MADLIBBIN' PARASAILER: A Third Open Letter

Dear Madlibbin’ Parasailer:

Getting to know you over my blog is proving to be a most pleasant experience. Your thoughtful and eloquent answers to my first five questions have reaffirmed my fondness of you and I remain rather smitten with your charm, honesty, and intelligence (as do most of my friends).

Now, before I reveal my next set of questions for you, I’ll first answer the questions I asked you in the post below (though not nearly as thorougly and eloquently as you did...I hope you don't hold this against me. It is way past my bedtime, after all):

1)If you could spend one year of perfect, blissful happiness but afterward would remember nothing of the experience, would you do so? If not, why not?
No. I’d much rather continue to evolve and learn from my normal, day-to-day experiences, be they good or bad, than, essentially, lose a year of my life, as brilliant and perfect as it may be.

2)Would you call yourself “emotionally constipated”?
No. I'm afraid I have emotional diarrhea. I believe this scares most males, especially those who are emotionally constipated like you are MP, away. You're not afraid of ardent declarations of affection are you?

3)Ahem. Ahem. While I’d rather not reveal what sorts of lingerie I prefer to wear (Ahem), I will let you know that my friend ES wholeheartedly approves of the boxer-brief, as does one commenter, Nusrat and most American females (Ahem).

Onto our next set of questions:
1) Was it business or pleasure that took you to Bhutan?
2) How many siblings do you have, where do you fall in birth order, and are you close to your family?
3) What would you say is your greatest flaw and what is your biggest regret?
4) ES asks, do you carry a messenger bag to work or an attaché case?
5) From where do you hail and in what part of the nation do you now reside?

As always, I await your answers with bated breath.

Yours,
The Nerddd

DEAR MADLIBBIN' PARASAILER: An Open Letter

Dear Madlibbin' Parasailer:

I can't believe that it's only been two months since that time that I--so absolutely racked with a case of the first-date-with-a-guy-I-picked-up-in-open-letters-on-my-blog jitters--showed up at Morimoto half an hour early in order to hop around the ladies' room and psyche myself up. In spite of all the hopping around and pep talks to myself in the dimly lit (and definitely not conducive to reapplying makeup) bathroom, I couldn't help but reply to your genial greeting with a frantic, "I'm so nervous right now, I think I'm going to vomit," as I waved my flushed face with my hand and took measured breaths in order to ward off an anxiety attack.

There were interjections of "OMG! I'm so nervous," throughout our meal, a "You're having a good time, aren't you?" as we finished course five or, maybe it was six, and, of course, the (polite) reach for the bill when it arrived was followed by "I'm so glad you're paying because it's really a turnoff when guys don't pay for dinner."

Clearly, I had a most terrible case of verbal diarrhea.

Yet, here we are, celebrating two monts together. Picking you up in open letters on my blog was the best thing I've ever done. I'm so thankful that you're my guy.

Yours,
The Nerddd

DEAR MADLIBBIN' PARASAILER: Another Open Letter

Dearest Madlibbin‘ Parasailer:

Thanks so much for putting up with this gentle interrogation and my haplessly romantic ways--I feel like I should finally be able to exorcise the romance out of my system now that I'm two years from 30 but I just can't help myself. So, here we are again. I just hope to goodness that you aren't becoming tired of our exchanges because I'm certainly not and neither are my friends. Most of them are loving getting to know you as much as I am. One just emailed me to say that this is the most excitement she's had in months.

In any case, I hope you’re willing to continue our blog exchanges for at least a little while longer.

Without further ado, let’s get to our next set of questions, which are pretty straightforward. Again, you can reveal as much or as little as you please.

1) How do you spend your weekends?
2) How long have you known your best friend?
3) When’s your birthday and what’s your sign?
4) When was the last time you cried?
5) How do you feel about baseball?

I await your response.

Yours,
The Nerddd

DEAR READERS and MADLIBBIN' PARASAILER (sigh): An Open Letter

Dear Readers and Madlibbin' Parasailer (sigh):

I'd like to take this one-day break from dedicating posts to the charmingly cerebral and downright dreamy MP (sigh) in order to ask my dear readers for prayers, reassurances, blessings, best wishes, and snap-out-of-its to combat my irrational fear of flying. As the day of our flight to ME approaches, my trepidations about take off, turbulence, and (gulp) crashing intensify.

And what about my effed up right side? My right glute has been tighter than Jocelyn Wilderstern's face in recent days and, oh my goodness, what if I'm on the verge of throwing out my hip again?! What if I throw out my hip en route to Maine, rendering enjoyment and relaxation impossible, and then the plane crashes on the way back to NY?!!!

Effin hell, that would blow a lot.

Help me out my people. I'm freaking out.

Thanks.

Yours,
The Nerddd