Sunday, August 19, 2007

DEAR READERS and MADLIBBIN' PARASAILER (sigh): An Open Letter

Dear Readers and Madlibbin' Parasailer (sigh):

I'd like to take this one-day break from dedicating posts to the charmingly cerebral and downright dreamy MP (sigh) in order to ask my dear readers for prayers, reassurances, blessings, best wishes, and snap-out-of-its to combat my irrational fear of flying. As the day of our flight to ME approaches, my trepidations about take off, turbulence, and (gulp) crashing intensify.

And what about my effed up right side? My right glute has been tighter than Jocelyn Wilderstern's face in recent days and, oh my goodness, what if I'm on the verge of throwing out my hip again?! What if I throw out my hip en route to Maine, rendering enjoyment and relaxation impossible, and then the plane crashes on the way back to NY?!!!

Effin hell, that would blow a lot.

Help me out my people. I'm freaking out.

Thanks.

Yours,
The Nerddd

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Remember this, only good things happen to good people! And you are one of the greatest!

There's so much fun lying on the other side of that flight. Books, fun, and frolic with friends!

And if that doesn't work, my friend swears by benadryll on flights.

Hugs :o)

bigkahuna said...

Nerrrd M'dear -

We have conversed on my love of flying many times. Candidly the thought of navigating parts of NY strike me as a much greater leap of faith than climbing into an aircraft. So while I can use many statistics to soothe you - kindly note:

1. Commuter flights of the like you are about to take on wonderfully sturdy birds overbuilt for your protection

2. Landings are now aided wth GPS and other terrific assistance that make gliding to the runway a snap

3. Your pilots likely have over 10,000 hours of flight time (EACH) and are likely instructors. They have drilled, drilled, drilled every scenario to the point of enniu... This means you do not have to sit white-knuckled - you can relax.

4. I would tell you to enjoy the view - realize that for the history of humans on our planet - you get to see the world from a vantage point only birds and God had until 100 years ago. You can see we all live in one land. The landscapes blend into rivers and roads, trees and forests hide blue-jewel lakes and mountains stretch up with snow tops and send kisses of spindrift to you.

Yeah - I love flying. I love the airplanes I fly. I love the smell of the tarmac and yelling "CLEAR" out of the window when the engine cranks. I love the banter with the tower when he says, "have a nice flight!" I love the happy screech of the tires welcoming me to earth.

I've loved seeing migrating whales and elephant seals, fires and riverboats, cattlefarms and the space shuttle crawling to the launchpad. I've loved landng in Cedar Key and having the lady who owns the one taxi in town pick us up and take us to the best seafood I've ever had. I've loved the looks on my friends face when she got to see Cannery Row and touch John Stienbeck's inspiration...

So if you choose to fly Sabila - choose to go with love and leave fear on the ground....

Francesca said...

I like to envision three enormous angels who fly with the plane, each with one hand under a wing, and under the tail of the plane.

You'll have a great time, and it can't be that long a flight. You will be safe and happy.

Aunty Helpful Dictator said...

I find the fact that I am not in anyway responsible for the flight of the plane essentially relaxing... but that doesn't seem to work for other people.

A friend of mine had a terrible fear of flying and generally she was better on flights with more distractions. We travelled first class together once and all the attention and movies really distracted her and kept her calm despite the awful turbulence. So I think you need a travel companion whose job is to distract you. Or get tetris... which is so addictive you might totally forget you're flying!

Anonymous said...

In a situation like this Valium is your friend.

Anonymous said...

Valium's a bit extreme...doctors typically prescribe a Xanax!