Wednesday, August 01, 2007

DEAR PERSON WHO STOLE $50 FROM MY WALLET: An Open Letter

Dear person who stole $50 from my wallet:

I hate you. You've totally invaded my space and violated me. I don't know if I'm ever going to feel safe in my office again, you ass (yes, readers, this brazen act of thievery was committed in the safety of my office. The said money was in a wallet, in my handbag, which I keep behind my desk, in my office). You have some nerve to waltz into someone's office and rifle through her wallet. What were you going to say had someone interrupted your robbery? What would your excuse be? "Oh, like, I dropped something in Sabila's bag?"

As the Pardoner in "The Pardoner's Tale"--from Geoffery Chaucer's 14th century classic of English literature, The Canterbury Tales --said, Radix malorum est cupiditas. I'll translate from the Latin for you, you ignorant punk: "Greed for wealth (Avarice) is the root of all evil."

Hope things look up for you in the future so that you don't have to resort to thievery.

Thanks for your time!

Yours,
The Nerddd

4 comments:

bigkahuna said...

Wow - that sucks... Sorry to hear it.

Aunty Helpful Dictator said...

Hi Sabila,

I didn't steal money from you... honest! I've been procrastinating for the last while reading your blog... mainly laughing at your descriptions and occassionally shocked at highly-strung, judgemental commenters. Some people... anyway!

I have nothing important to say... but I too am 28 with a mother who is despairing at my lack of marriage... she's gone a little further than your mother because she seems to want grandchildren more than anything and seems to be trying to talk me into having kids with or without the husband!

Anyway I like your blog.

Cyberfish said...

I think its the heat. It tends to drive cockroaches, rats with bubonic plague, and thieving humans into air conditioned buildings. Someone recently stole my vespa and my cannondale...right off my patio (both were chained up). My neighbor witnessed it and did nothing. I feel your pain.

Anonymous said...

What goes around comes around! It'll catch up to him / her soon enough. And, probably, because you're a nice person, what happened was actually something better than what could have happened did you have bad karma.