For consistency's sake, I will continue to refer to this person my family wants me to get hitched to as RANDOM DUDE and a reminder to readers that this is only the first part of a three-post tale, which will end with me, in an attempt to make it up to my mother, trying to figure out a way to trick her into going to the Regina Spektor concert with me.
Part I (Tuesday, September 19th, 4:30PM)
My cousin, the same one who found RANDOM DUDE for me, called me at work. Before I knew it (and as I racked my brain for an excuse NOT to speak to her), I was suckered into a dreaded rishta conversation.
A few winners from our conversation:
1) RD is totally into the idea of meeting me and us getting hitched based on seeing a handful of my pics—which, clearly, show what a great and decent person I am.
2) I should be able to determine whether or not RD is a great, decent person and perfect husband material based on a single fuzzy photograph in which his face is the size of a pencil eraser.
3) RD was shown another chick’s pic hours before he saw mine. This chick is a PHYSICIAN (yah, who the eff isn’t is my point) but he just wasn’t that into her and was quick to communicate that to my cousin. So he’s totally serious about me…and my pics.
4) My cousin decided to pimp me off to him because I’m so great…and 27…and STILL single…….I should be grateful or something.
5) It took me close to 40 minutes to explain to my cousin that I’d get a better sense of whether or not I was into RD at all by being allowed to talk to him on the phone at least one time.
6) My cousin thinks that I won’t know a person any better or worse after any number of conversations. If she was in my shoes, she’d want to meet RD face to face. That way, my parents could talk to his mom in one room while the two of us could hang out in a different room and I could ask him questions to try to ascertain what he’s like. You know, like his favorite color…and his astrological sign…and what he really thinks about Justin Timberlake...
7) I finally had to tell my cousin that what I'm actually trying to ascertain is whether or not it’s worth my time and his time to travel past several state lines in order to meet.
8) My cousin thinks that the best anyone can do in such a situation is try to determine whether or not a person is decent (again, this can be determined after one face to face conversation) and then, leave the ultimate decision to her parents.
9) Um, NO to number 8.
10) My cousin wanted to know what kinds of questions I’d ask to determine whether RD is, in fact, my type of random dude. I explained to her that I’m quite skilled at conversing on the phone and have never previously felt the need to draw up a list of questions or talking points and that chances are that I won’t be doing so for this conversation.
11) An especially kind and thoughtful nugget of wisdom: Even if two people really, REALLY like each other, talking too often has a way of spoiling any potential romance.
12) My own nugget of information: Trust me, I have no plans of talking to RD for hours or days.
13) There really aren’t any differences between people raised in America and those raised overseas.
14) Cousin: Marriage is about compromise.
15) Me: DUH.
16) RD is shy on the phone…
17) …but then again, my cousin has only spoken to him once…
18) …and she’s never actually met RD…
19) …but she does get the impression that he’s never spoken to a woman on the phone…
20) …sure, she suspects that he must talk to women at work…
21) …but, still, it doesn’t seem like he’s spoken to women in a more romantic or intimate capacity…
22) if I REALLY want to talk to him, she’ll arrange it but she’ll make sure to rephrase the suggestion so that it doesn’t sound like it’s coming from me.
I’ll tell you about the actual telephone conversation between me and RD tomorrow in Part II of this absurd story.