Thursday, November 02, 2006

THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS...

...I'm lonely.

Holy shit. Since when did this blog become so effin' confessional? Fuck.
To everyone out there who knows me in real life: pretend like you never read this and don't go all weird on me the next time I see you.
To everyone out there who knows me in real life: yeah, I'm a fool for not having an anonymous blog.

I had an enlightening lunch with half of the family (one brother, one parent) the other day, during which, I was informed, all in jest, of course, that:

1) I started dating way too late in life (VERY TRUE)
2) and so, I'm doing now what I should have been doing in college, ie, having mindless, directionless fun (VERY CLEARLY, THE FAMILY IS CONFUSING ME WITH SOMEONE ELSE...TO MY FRIENDS GIGGLING THEMSELVES SILLY BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL TOO AWARE OF THE SEDATE LIFE THAT I DO LEAD, SHUT UP)
3) I don't know what I'm looking for in a partner (FALSE)
4) My biological clock is ticking (WHATEVER. WOMEN ARE HAVING CHILDREN LATER AND LATER IN LIFE. AND WHO NEEDS A HUSBAND TO HAVE A BABY, ANYWAY?)
5) Guys figure out I'm a geek/loser after about five minutes of conversing with me (WHAT A LIE! I'M A WONDERFUL CONVERSATIONALIST!)
6) Publishing isn't the most lucrative industry, especially for a girl like me, who could've breezed right through med school (I'D RATHER BE HAPPY)
7) My poor future husband is going to waste away on my vegetarian diet (PEOPLE ARE FREE TO EAT WHATEVER THE HELL THEY WANT TO)
8) I have arch-nemeses getting hitched in fabulous fashion the world over (I DON'T HOLD GRUDGES, OTHER PEOPLE DO AND I'M HAPPY FOR ANYONE WHO ACTUALLY FINDS SOMEONE WITH WHOM TO EXCHANGE VOWS. THAT SHIT'S HARD, YO)
9) My arch-nemeses (plus hubbies, of course) have mapped out fabulous and financially secure lives (I DON'T HOLD GRUDGES, OTHER PEOPLE DO AND I'M HAPPY FOR ANYONE WHO IS LIVING A FABULOUS LIFE)

All of my retorts eventually dissolved into countless huffy variations of "AMMMMMA! TELL HIM TO QUIT IT!!" or "Seriously, can we talk about something else? Seriously?"

And I suppose I would be lying if I didn't tell you that, yes, in spite of being goddamn annoying, the lunch was pretty goddamn funny and I often had to bite my lip to keep a stern face.

But, let's get back to my loneliness and all. All I really want is someone who likes me as much as I like him; everything else just falls into place when two people just like each other, doesn't it?

Oh, sigh. Someone shake some sense into me, please.
...and I'm working on that anonymous blog...because being an open book is boring, mystery is hot (another nugget of wisdom bestowed on me during lunch).

32 comments:

Priyavadan said...

/me shakes you *wake up wake up*

oh wait; I seem to be in the same boat; confused!

terra shield said...

spoken like a true piscean...

(it'snot an insult, because I am one too)

Priyavadan said...

its the attack of the pisceans (I am one too)

terra shield said...

Sabila... you've got pisceans 'swimming' around in your comment board...

hehehehe

anyway, if you ever plan to go anonymous do let those who don't know you personally know your new blog's url.

All I really want is someone who likes me as much as I like him; everything else just falls into place when two people just like each other, doesn't it?


I agree wholeheartedly

Priyavadan said...

I've stopped thinking, about everything...

mist1 said...

Get a pet. Never be lonely again. If that fails, get several more pets.

DC Girl said...

Everyone is quick to judge and criticize. I feel that people will never understand what goes through your head because they are not you. Have you been to mine lately? There's no reason for you to apologize for anything that you feel is not right in your life.

I just came to the realization that I'm not going to sit there and pretend that everything around me is great when its NOT...I refuse to be something I'm not...and I refuse to sugar coat anything that's bothering me.

And the funny thing is, I feel so much better and am fine with everything now...sometimes you just gotta let it out and say the blunt honest truth to move past it and be ok with it. Its the things you hide or things that you try to mask which are toxic for you. (ew somehow britney's song just went through my head)

haha. I'm here if you ever need to talk about anything. You have my number. All you gotta do is call and say 'shut up and listen'. And I will...

*Hugs*

DC Girl said...

And I'm proud of you for just being...honest to yourself.

Anonymous said...

You are not asking for a lot...it's just a really suck journey to find someone that likes you as much as you like him...but I don't even know if that is possible...A friend once told me Love is not fair..
There is more to life than LOVE.

DC Girl said...

I agree...it is a suck journey...and a non-stop process of elimination. You have to go through a lot of assholes till you find the perfect asshole.

haha. I know that's mean but its how I feel at this moment...

There IS more to life than Love, but its nice to have it. And that's where the cycle starts. Everyone wants to be loved. Everyone wants to be with someone who appreciates them. And when you are with someone who doesn't feel as strong about you as you feel about them; It sucks and you move one hoping that the next guy who comes your way will be different.

People who already have their other half and are married or happily in a relationship don't and will never understand that part of it. I know someone who criticized people for it. He's happily married and thinks that the process of 'dating' or 'process of elimiation' of people who come and go in our lives or having the next person who comes breaking your heart is 'pathetic' and its 'throwing yourself at the next person who comes along'...so easy to judge when you're not in that situation...

i think he's an ignorant fool.

And I think there's that one person out there for all of us...and one day he will come along and this moment will be a long distant memory in all our minds...just gotta be patient...

DC girl said...

and since you have my anonymous blog link, i would like it if i had yours.

=) if that's ok with you...maybe I could learn something from your deepest thoughts...

Priyavadan said...

And I think there's that one person out there for all of us...and one day he will come along and this moment will be a long distant memory in all our minds...just gotta be patient...

just gotta be patient; totally agreed. The first step to succeed doing that is stop thinking about it, yeah?

Anonymous said...

Why don't you try some online Muslim matrimonial sites.

Anonymous said...

For some reason I dont think that will be the answer to the problem...it'll be just more problems...

Anonymous said...

oh wait my its suppossed to be love in not even...whatever

Anonymous said...

No one BREEZES RIGHT THROUGH MED SCHOOL!

How pretentious do you have to be to say something like that; I take offense, as a former med student, to suggestions that med school is a walk in the bloody park!

"I'm a fool for not having an anonymous blog."

Yeah right; you want people to know it you writing this blog; you probably crave you don't get in real life!

SabilaK said...

Wow, anonymous. You're a dickweed. Eff off.

Anonymous said...

Erratum:

"I'm a fool for not having an anonymous blog."

Yeah right; you want people to know it's you writing this blog; you probably crave attention you don't get in real life!

SabilaK said...

And if you don't like the bloody blog, stop reading it. It's as simple as that. Idiot.

Anonymous said...

I can't help it, I'm infatuated with you...

SabilaK said...

Freak.

Madlibbin' Parasailer said...

In my experience, being lonely is not merely a function of being alone, but also can happen when one is in the midst of a great relationship as well. All of us, at times, just need to stare at the ceiling in a fit of insomnia and struggle with who we are, whether we are alone or together - I don't think being in love alleviates that burden fully. That being said, it is pretty effin’ awesome to find someone with whom you have a genuine connection. Despite a few naysayers, we are all looking forward to when the nerd finally falls in love as I’m sure your effusive and boisterous writing style will lend itself to many a memorable entry, with sharp insights and epiphanies for all!

(BTW, mystery is sexy, but so to is warmth, which you seem to exude, based purely on your blog entries. I wouldn't worry too much about trying to be more mysterious or blogging anonymously. The fact is 99% of us don’t actually know you except for through your photographs on Friendster (which only serve to entice), so I think you’re not losing any admirers here. I mean, look at the effect you have on poor Anonymous!)

Lastly, note to Anonymous: dude, you’ve sooooooo got to chill.

Dr. Phyllis said...

Mr. Miyagi once said "walk on road, hmm? Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk middle, sooner or later get squish (makes squeezing gesture), just like grape."

If you are really happy being by yourself, concentrating on achieving your own independent goals, and letting fate handle meeting someone, then case closed. However, if claims of contentment with the above are mostly lip service then likely you will feel the squish.

If you really want to find someone, shouldn't you put yourself out there to find someone? Go out with people. If someone strikes your interest, there is no harm in asking them to get a drink or coffee. There is nothing wrong with being proactive as there is a whole spectrum between being too timid and overly bold.

If you are scared of rejection, keep in mind that confidence goes a long way. When things don't work out (or don't get started), its simply because you are not right for each other. Even if you think that person is right for you, you may not be right for that person. It is nothing to be upset or embarrassed about, that is life, it is not a judgment against you on some sort of absolute scale. In the worst case, it might be indicative that the people that you "think" are right for you are far from it. If that is the case, be flexible, get to know different kinds of people, even if they don't fit the mold of what you thought was your "type."

If you want to meet someone and get married right away, then you have to meet people of the same mindset. The matrimonial sites or facilitators would be helpful in this case. If you want to get to know someone, develop a solid relationship first, then think about compatibility for future commitments, this takes a lot of time and effort. Developing an adult relationship requires that your lifestyle is conducive to doing so. Do you have the time, the freedom, the willingness to risk? Any barriers have to be overcome BEFORE you embark on a serious relationship. But if this is what you want, put your chin up and make a sincere, steadfast effort to walk that side of the road. That is all you can do.

Anonymous said...

I am a nice anonymous girl, I gave up on love the day the person I liked a lot hurt me soo much in so many ways. I don't think love exists in this day and age, I think everyone is for themselves they all just put up an act so they are not alone, and I think I will have to do that very soon too...

Anonymous said...

Maybe, the guys you like are looking for something other then marriage. I know I realized that the reason marriage in this society is declining because men think that they can marry later and later after they had their so-called fun. These men prize their fun. It is rather sad that this is the world today, and a lot of people arn't in a rush to marry because they do the things married couples are suppose to do. I know for me it's very hard to find someone when most of the guys have a total different lifestyle then you. It is really depressing, but you got to keep your chin up.

Crankster said...

I guess the best thing I can tell you is this: When I was 31, I resigned myself to the thought that I'd never get married and never have children. By 34, I was married and had a daughter. I can't give you handy advice, and I can't tell you how it happened, but I really believe that all this stuff does work out.

DC girl said...

And no...things don't fall into place when two people like eachother...i believe that it should not be that hard but it is...

falling for someone SUCKS!

Anonymous said...

I totally know...it SUCKS to fall for someone. I fell for this guy and thought he was "the one" but it turns out he wasn't ready to get married. In the beginning it's all rosy and perfect and he tells you all these lies. Then one day its I'm not ready, I need more time, there's too much distance(like one hour drive is so far away!)excuses, excuses. If you are not ready for a relationship and you know the other person is ready for a serious relationship please do them a favor and don't get them emotionally involved. Karma is a biotch..believe me I know.

Priyavadan said...

all the anonymous comments are confusing me as to how do I address the one who wrote the above comment. I am in total agreement with what is said though.
If you are not ready for a relationship and you know the other person is ready for a serious relationship please do them a favor and don't get them emotionally involved. can not get clearer than this...

Anonymous said...

To the above:

If you sense that the person that you are attracted to is not inclined to be in a serious relationship, perhaps you should quit whining and not let YOURSELF get emotionally involved. Unless you are being blatantly deceived by someone, it is more likely that you should take responsibility for your own actions. When you see warning signs and overlook them or pretend that they are not there, you are really just deceiving yourself and holding out a fantasy. Can you really blame someone else for that? Really?

Guys are not the only ones that change their minds. Marriage is quite serious to most people, they don't want to be married just for the sake of it. Do you really want to be in a commitment with someone who deep down is not sure that they actually want to be there with you? If you want to get married for the sake of it, stick to people with the SAME mentality. If you don't, you might not get what you are after and you have no one to blame but yourself. If you are a grown up, you should understand the risks BEFORE you throw yourself (and drag someone else) into something.

Xohra said...

Oh Sabila. What the hell does he know? I can only agree with one thing. Mystery is hot. But being an open book is cool. No one gets the wrong impression of an open book, I'm the hot mystery type and they call me a flirt and stuff. Eff em all!!! Do ur thing, u'll be fine.

Anonymous said...

Well if it means anything Sabila, I'm a guy and I'm lonely too... and we're practically the same age. I'm right there with you on your points 1, 2 and 3. As for point 5, I actually think a geeky girl is much more interesting and compatible with me than some other kind (I'm a geek too). Short of all the cursing in the blog post; if I were ever to find a nice, classy, smart girl like you I'd never let her go (provided she liked me back)... but alas, even geek girls go for the hunks and not us poor sods. Ah well good luck to you... you're a hottie, I'm sure you'll find that hunky guy you want.