Thursday, June 19, 2008


I'm so pleased to announce that on the sixteenth day of June in this glorious year of 2008, for the briefest of moments, reading my blog became more than an excercise in idleness or voyeurism. Revenge of the Nerddd actually proved to be prescriptive and useful and, for one reader, she became the Panacea of the blogosphere, healing pain, providing relief to discomfort, hope to despair.

What the hezazzal am I talking about, you ask?

On the aforementioned day, an anonymous reader, a reader who was obviously experiencing the hip agony with which I'm so familiar, Google'd "how to crack my hip." My post answering just this very question was the second in the search result (as an aside, the first search result was a wholly unhelpful post from Yahoo! Answers; instead of showing our anonymous hip pain sufferer how to crack his/her hip, it answered the question, "why does my hip always crack/pop?" (my personal answer to this thought provoking question: I don't give a fuck). Clearly, I should've been number one, but let's save that discussion for another day).

Dear anonymous hip-pain-sufferer: internet fate sent you to me. I hope your pain is somewhat relieved. I am glad to have been your Florence Nightingale, if for a trice.

Dear internet search engines (ie, Google and all of you other engines that come in a distant second...), in the words of that great Statue of Liberty that stands in New York Harbor (but, let's be honest here, is waaaaaay closer to New Jersey), as penned by that poetess Emma Lazarus and paraphrased by me:

“Give me your pained, your limpers,
Your huddled masses yearning to be hip pain free,
The wretched runners of your teeming shore.
Send these, the athletes, with effed up joints to me,
I promise not to myofascially release their asses with my fist."

1 comment:

Rubina said...


I laughed so hard at this post that I had the secretary across the way come zooming in to be nosy and to grab a chuckle for herself. Why did I laugh you may wonder, in particular at a post where you are nothing but sincere? Because you're freaking hilarious! When are you going to publish a book? You need to share your very unique writing skills (as well as varying points of views) with not only those of us who have found you (or referred to you by friends as in my case) via the web but with the whole of human kind who needs insight into the every day.

You have become my one bit of relief in days that consist of nothing but banality!

Love ya sistah,