Dear Readers of My Blog:
I love (the majority of) you. Really, I do.
When I started Revengeofthenerddd in late 2005, I didn’t think that the handful of friends and relatives who knew about my blog would read it, let alone total strangers. 500 posts later, I think it’s safe to say that the majority of my readers are folks who I don’t know in real life. And though my readership is small—anything less than 500 hits per day is the blogosphere equivalent of shaking the contents of one tiny salt packet into the Atlantic—it is dedicated and I’m grateful for that.
I’ve never had lofty goals for this blog. It’s meant to be lighthearted and entertaining, funny and sweet. I hope that it elicits more chuckles than eye rolls, nervous twitches, and/or inexplicable fits of rage. With an ever-growing readership, however, I see it as my duty to tell you that in the event that you start to experience the latter adverse side effects, please immediately desist from reading Revengeofthenerddd. Apparently, this so called life of mine is too extreme for you (between the driving lessons and overbearing relatives and, oh, the rampant vacationing with—shudder—males, it’s enough to make one cyber blush!) and you are entirely too caught up in how and with whom I spend my time. You might want to minimize my suddenly serious—it’s pink, after all—blog on your computer screen and gather yourself before you start to either a) cut yourself or b) leave nasty comments directed at me. Massaging my temples has always done the trick for me. Other techniques that might help you calm down are listed below:
1) lighting candles, 2) sniffing scented oils, 3) listening to Yanni, 4) stuffing your face with ice cream or something with an equal amount of calories, 5) breaking stuff (your computer would be the obvious choice here), 6) kicking stuff (again, your computer), 7) going to your special place
Please remember that if you find yourself under such an extraordinary amount of stress that the only way you can relieve the pressure is by either a) cutting yourself or b) leaving nasty comments directed at me, always, always go with a. I daresay that would be the more effective of the two choices.
Perhaps, you will someday arrive at a place where you will no longer have the need to make disparaging remarks about the character of someone you don’t know. If this doesn’t happen, I thank you in advance for no longer reading my blog. Later!
To the rest of you guys, thank you, thank you, thank you for reading!