*8:43AM: Okay, now where the fuck's my book.
*8:46AM: I bloody hate Amazon.
*8:53AM:...fuckin' incapacitated UPS man...I bloody hate UPS.
*8:54AM: (shaking fist to the heavens) It was the biological urge, surely! The urges, they're stronger in men!
*8:56AM: for the love of MERLIN'S BEARD, where the FUCK is my book?
*9:01AM: Maybe I should go for a run to kill the time!
*9:02AM: But what if the delivery man stops by while I'm on my run?
*9:03AM: Surely, he'll leave the book with the doorman?
*9:04AM: But what if he bloody doesn't?
*9:05AM: What if doorman is a rabid fan and STEALS the book?
*9:06AM: Eff running. I'm waiting for the book.
*9:13AM: I just called downstairs again and, guess the fuck what? NOTHING! EFFFFFFFFFF! I was better off just going to a store bright and early in the morning. I never attend those midnight bookstore parties because I have this fear that some douche at the party will skip to the last few pages and blab the ending to everyone...and get destroyed shortly thereafter but only after spoiling the book for EVERYONE!
*9:14: That's it. If my book isn't delivered within the hour, I'm going to my local B&N! Eff you Amazon. Eff you UPS.
*9:29: Preordering from Amazon? WHAT WAS I THINKING??!!!!!
*9:55: Just called downstairs and my package from Amazon wasn't part of the UPS delivery for the morning. But I shouldn't fret because there will be another delivery today. When? Well any time from now to FUCKIN' 5:00! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
*9:56: THIS IS RI-FUCKIN-DICULOUS. WHERE'S MY BOOK?
*10:21: I still don't have it. I hate standard shipping. It's an asshole bitch.
*10:27: I've finished an entire pack of Orbit bubblegum. The fingernails are next on the menu (and I don't even bite my nails!)!
*10:40: surely, this is what a drug addict in need of a fix must feel like.
*10:44: I'm taking a nap...
*10:45: ...after I call downstairs again...
*10:46: ...blood HELL! Now I'm fuckin' takin' a fuckin' nap.
*11:17: fuck this shit. I'm going to buy a copy at my local supermarket.
*11:40: I have the book! I'm in my pj's! Talk to you later!