Friday, June 09, 2006
AN OPEN LETTER TO PEOPLE AT THE SCENE OF AN ACCIDENT: GET IT TOGETHER
Dear People at the Scene of an Accident:
Get it together. You’re an embarrassment to humanity and you often make me sick to my stomach.
While no one particularly wants to see the crumpled body of an elderly woman who’s just been hit by a truck, you have two choices: either be hysterical at a good distance from the victim or take a deep breath, calm yourself down and then help us tend to the victim. Don’t cry out to no one in particular to call 9-1-1 while standing over the victim. You’ve joined us at the scene approximately 5 minutes after the accident. It’s safe to assume that a few of the dozens of people lingering on the sidelines have called for help. Also, try not to call out “She’s not dead! She’s breathing!” Chances are that the poor woman is already freaking out, seeing that she’s had a truck knock the teeth out of her mouth and leave her unconscious and all. I suspect that your utterance of the d-word as you hover over her is not appreciated.
Now, I’d like to talk to nannies at accident scenes: you are NOT getting paid to show your wards bloody people, so please move right along before I slap you. Such scenes are often too awful for an adult to stomach and yet you, in your infinite wisdom, are exposing a child to it? You better believe that ES and I blocked your view earlier today. You are an ignorant git and shouldn’t be allowed around children or accident scenes. It would probably be in the best interest of the greater population to lock you in a closet and throw away the key.
Finally, it’s just you and me, camera-phone-photographer-of-other-people’s-pain, otherwise known as you-no-good-bastard. How dare you pull out your cell phone and snap photos of a woman who has just been mowed down by a TRUCK and is lying motionless in her own blood? Have you no shame? The next time I see you pulling such a cold-hearted, insensitive and stupid act, I swear I will grab that phone from your hands, probably smack you upside the head with it before running to the west side and chucking it into the Hudson River. You make me sick. Really you do.
Get it together, you jerks.