MY PHEROMONES ARE BROKEN: Love Potion No. 0 or Those Dogs Smile at EVERYONE

The bffs (that’s the wisdom-shelling RR and the fiercely outspoken Rachel) and I met up for dinner on Friday night. After dinner, we made our usual trek to the local Starbucks for our usual caffeinated conversations. During the last quarter or so of dinner and on the way to coffee, we tried to figure out my utter haplessness when it comes to that strange creature, the SEMI- or NON-PLATONIC MALE. The girls weren’t buying my argument, which boiled down to me swearing to all goodness that my pheromones were busted. This segued into a discussion of that giant of cinematic art, Love Potion No. 9, during which I realized that I must be at the mercy of a Love Potion No. 0, by which the SEMI- or NON-PLATONIC MALE, while engaged in that age-old process of wooing, very suddenly loses interest and vanishes. Again, the girls simply weren’t buying it.

As we continued along our way to the café, we happened upon a little dog. Dear reader, what followed was most strange because, rather serendipitously, this little dog was able to demonstrate exactly the basics of Love Potion No.0! It happened as follows.

I was engaged in conversation when, my attention was captured by the small, powder puff white dog—a bichon frise, I suspect. He lay at it’s human father’s feet and, quite literally, smiled at me. He appeared to be a most jovial and friendly little dog.

“Why, the little guy’s smiling at us,” I told the ladies.

As we approached closer, the little dog actually stood up and, with his dark, wet eyes trained on me, he moved towards us. “He MUST want to say hello!” I determined.

The ladies, uninspired by the dog as well as my cooing, kept right on walking—they’re not very fond of animals. I, on the other hand, had already stopped and was in the process of crouching down towards the dog with my right hand out in greeting when it, suddenly startled by me, jumped back and, almost falling over itself, ran and took cover under the bench.

"Oh shit...sorry!" I exclaimed in the direction of the amused dad and scuttled away, perplexed, confused and more than a little hurt.

RR and I clutched on to each other, barely able to stand up straight because we were laughing so hard.

Anyway, though, reader, that's Love Potion No. 0 for you: the inviting smile, that "come hither" behavior and what appears to be genuine interest is followed, inexplicably, by the MALE hightailing it right out of there. It's mucho mysterioso.