BREAKING NEWS, BREAKING NEWS! THE NERD FAINTS!!!

7:00PM, Saturday night: The snow has just started to fall. Our nerd has been craving sushi ever since talking to a friend who told her about the over-priced sushi he enjoyed for dinner on Friday night (it should be noted, for the record, that she's in no way blaming this friend for her current sickly state), so on this night, she orders the following for dinner: grilled octopus to start and a spicy tuna roll and an eel avocado roll for her main course. She happily eats the meal in front of the television; she's rented Just Like Heaven starring Reese Witherspoon and Mark Ruffalo because she's in a romantic comedy sort of mood.

11:00PM: The film and the sushi were great. Our nerd had ordered the sushi, not from her usual joint, but from a new place and she is thorougly satisfied with the meal they provided. Her brothers dropped in for a visit and the family had a great time chatting. Now, our nerd sits down to talk to a friend on the phone and it's just a wonderful way to end a wonderful day because this is a wonderful friend.

12:30AM: As she settles into bed, ready to get some sleep, the nerd suddenly feels a bit nauseous. How funny. Thinking that sleep will help, she closes her eyes and, just as she begins to doze off, her stomach starts to cramp.

1:30AM: The nerd awakes to terrible waves of nausea and stomach cramps. Oh jeez, she thinks to herself as she hightails to the bathroom, I think I've been food poisoned!

2:00AM: The nerd curses the sushi joint as she vomits some more.

2:15AM: Our nerd moans and groans as her great mother sits by her side in bed. The cramps! Oh, the cramps! Damn that bloody sushi to bloody raw fish hell! She drinks some Pepto Bismol, hoping that will do the trick.

2:30AM: The Pepto Bismol is no longer in the nerd's system. Damnation!

3:30AM: Yep, our nerd's body is still in the process of "cleansing" itself of everything. The nerd is expecting to vomit out her heart soon. It's not a fun time for her.

4:30AM: Yep, the vomit and diarrhea march on.

5:15AM: Is there anything even left in our nerd??? Her body seems to think so...

11:00AM: After a sleepless night, our nerd sleeps in until 11AM. She awakes to find her parents watching the weather report on televison. It's snowed 23" in Central Park! But our nerd won't get to play in the snow though, thanks to that good for nothing sushi! Even though there's nothing left in her body to get rid of, she feels nauseaus again and runs to the bathroom.
Feeling like she's going to be sick again, the nerd stands over the toilet. Suddenly, she feels like she's dreaming. Everything seems to be speeding up and slowing down at the same time. Our nerd is confused. She shouldn't be worried though, because, dude, she's asleep really and this is a bad dream. As she comes to, she's clutching onto the toilet (ew), calling out to her mom (pathetic scene, I know, but freakin' hell, it's not her fault! that damn sushi). Her parents escort the nerd to their bedroom and tuck her into bed. There's talk of calling 9-1-1, except everything's buried under snow. The nerd tells her parents that, if they must go to the ER, she's gonna have to shower and change. Even though they're too worried to do so, our nerd feels like if her parents were the types to roll their eyes, now would be their moment to do so.

11:15AM: The nerd's brothers have come over now and she's talking to her health plan's on call nurse. She can hear them talking to her mother, telling her that the nerd needs to eat meat, that this vegetarianism (she's been a pesco-ovo-lacto veggie for a year now...booyaa!) is silly and is eating away at her resistance.

11:30AM: The nerd, after her fainting spell, has been told by the nurse to sip water (1-2 tablespoons every 3-5 minutes) until she feels better. At that time, she can eat starchy, dry foods like toast and crackers.

12:00PM: Water sucks. Being stuck in bed is the worst! Feeling the water you've just sipped first do a terrible disco dance in your guts and then float up to your neck is awful.

12:15PM: I wish I could walk around in the snow. :(

12:30PM: Effin' bad sushi.