Sunday, September 16, 2007

BIODATA: A Follow-Up

My folks guilt-tripped the following biodata out of me.

I'm 28 years old, was born in Tripoli, Libya and moved to Jersey City, New Jersey with the family when I was a wee toddler. I work in the book publishing industry, for ________, and while I spend way too much time reading and selling and fretting, I LOVE my job.
My saving graces are my two older brothers (ages 36 and 34), both of whom I adore. Without them I wouldn't possess the following: a wicked sense of humor, a love of sports--be warned, I am a baseball FANATIC and a long recovering lover of basketball (the Knicks drained me emotionally one time too many)---a passion for working out, and an obsession with movies.
I graduated from NYU with a BA in English Lit (blame the diversion from my plans to be pre-Med on Faulkner and Hemingway, Neruda and Whitman) and have worked for _______ for six years now.
I LOVE animals. I have a cat named Zanadune. I used to volunteer with a cat rescue group in Union Square until I had to face the ugly truth: I'm allergic to cats, dogs and horses. Cruel fate, eh? Each time I pop a Zyrtec or snort Nasonex (for the love of Zanadune), I chip away just a little more at my dream to someday adopt three cats and two dogs.
What I want people to know about me is that I'm a genuine person. What you see is what you get and this is precisely what I expect from the people in my life. My pet peeves include people who put on airs, lack passion and have poor grammar. I have yet to meet the person who possesses this trifecta of peeves but am certain that this individual is the spawn of Satan.

Yes, dear, observant reader, this biodata is indeed (a very slightly updated version of the) "about me" blurb that I've recycled over and over again on countless networking sites. It will have to do.

Rest assured, though: this time, I'm putting my foot down and saying no to family blind dates!


Anonymous said...

Beat. You must fix this right away. No good boys will respond. May i suggest some things-

1. No loving job. That means no childrens and too career oriented and selfish. Also they will think you will not move to suit your husband.

2. Brothers only? Must respect parents. Please mention them and how you are obedient to them. Also its good that you mention two brothers. That way rishtas will know that they are not responsible for yor parents and you can focus on taking care of them.

3.Sports is good. Most boys these days like the sports. It in fashion for girls to like sports. Gym for working out is also good. They will know you are skinny.

4.Dogs and cats are haram. Please delete. Alson no allergies. People will think you are sick. They can find out your health problems later.

5. No satans. Please close biodatas on nice note. Maybe you say something like-

I am straight forward girl who is respectful of parents and am very family oriented. I can also adapt to the needs of my husband and his parents.

Psy said...

You got away with 'snort' AND 'Satan'? Awesome. Most parents I know would've kicked up a fuss about that.

On the bright side, if they ever decide to Google you (which is the only decent thing to do; if a person doesn't Google someone they don't know, there's just something not right about them) they can't miss your online profile.

Do a 'p.s. Google me' for added sneakiness. On second thought, that sounds a little dirty.

Psy said...

Ahahaha! This anonymous is *so* funny. He/She would be great at writing cultural comedy for a movie or a tv series.

Anonymous said...

Correction first anonymous, keeping dogs in the house is haram, but you can keep cats. Get your facts straight! *rollseyes*

Kinza said...

Check your facebook inbox.

p.s. I like what you wrote (the biodata).

nusrat said...

You're never getting married with that bio-data. If your Mom approved this it's only because she's already sent off the real biodata that she's already written for you.

Anonymous said...

Why don't you write about the type of guy you are looking for. You should marry someone that you would be happy to live with.

bigkahuna said...

Is Anon serious???
lordy, lordy lordy...

BTW: "Snort" works for me... "Snarf" may also be considered. ;-)

bigkahuna said...

Just need to verify:
Does this mean the cab light is ON?

SabilaK said...

Anonymous 1: My folks would probably hire you as a consultant if they could.
And what about my nonexistent cooking skills? Will those help or hurt my chances of scoring?

SabilaK said...

PSY: shit. They're so finding this blog. And then I'm officially on the parental shit list.

SabilaK said...

Kinza: Thx for sending over your sis' biodata. It's brilliant!

SabilaK said...

Fuck. Anon 1 is probably my mom!

SabilaK said...

BK: The light's on sporadically.

Anonymous said...

many peoples have had humor from my postings as the anonymous poster in the commentaries of your blog. To answer your questions. I am not your mother, but if i knew her i would tell her of your blogs and i am not of relation to you. But to keep my postings in your blog clear I will now sign them with.

Defense Phase 2 Auntie.

kinza said...

you are welcome. and 'roughing it' is right. we were sure glad to get to our snuggle beds once we got home!

Cyberfish said...


As an excellent cook myself, and a past (an now again vegetarian), may I suggest the "Millennium Cookbook" and "Charlie Trotter's Vegetables (isbn: 0898158389)? Both are fantastic, and I am sure armed with these two books you can convert any meat eating prospects to vegetarianism. And at the same time you can enhance your cooking skills. Charlie Trotter has taken to quoting both Goethe and Dostoyevsky in his books, so you might find a little literary redemption in there to go with, what I am sure will be gastronomic adventures. Or you could (shameless plug) check out my video food blog. Right now there are a lot of meat recipes, but I'll be making adjustments to it soon to reflect my recent lifestyle change. It's actually designed to teach people about food and how to cook it.