Wednesday, November 21, 2007

AND THEY MEET

MP came to Jersey City last night. He carried a beautiful flower arrangement from Takashimaya and wore the green sweater I gave him on the occasion of our one month anniversary on Monday. I greeted him outside the restaurant with a nod. My father welcomed him with his classic I-don't-give-a-shit-whether-or-not-you-try-to-impress-me poker face; my mother said hello with her dazzling million-watt smile and her aggressive charm. Even before we sat down, amma presented MP with a handsomely packaged handsome tie, which, I should add, she picked out without any of my assistance.

We sat down. Abu asked MP about his job, his family, the country from which his family hails, as well as the country that he calls home. Amma encouraged him to eat from the breadbasket because "You just got in from work and must be starving." Slowly, my anxiety about the hammer falling--ie, my father asking MP super awkward questions--dissipated. I enjoyed my swordfish steak. I relished in the fact that my MP was slowly winning my father over with his stories and clinching my mother's love for him. He cooks! He's traveled the world! He's a brilliant biologist turned brilliant lawyer! He's making my father laugh! He's making me so happy!

But then my father asked me a question that I didn't expect would become awkward but, oh, it most certainly did.

How did you two meet?

I stumbled over the following words: blog, comments, random, ES, kismet. I might have thrown happenstance into the mix.

MP chalked it up to two words: book recommendation.

And then the awkwardness continued. My father asked the question about faith but MP's answer satisfied him. Abu then threw out the kicker:

What are your plans?

I covered my mouth with my hand and looked away, giggling a little in my anxiousness.

What are your plans? he asked again and said that he was an old fashioned guy, who didn't believe in excessive dating.

MP said if abu was asking whether or not we intend to get married, the answer is yes. Neither of us have a timetable, he explained, but our intentions are of the union-for-life kind.

And that was as far as the grilling went. To be honest with you, I expected more grilling but abu later told me that he didn't think any additional interrogation was necessary because MP won him over so completely from the get-go.

At one point, as MP leaned over the side of the table to reveal the lovely bouquet he'd bought for my lovely parents, my lovely mother nodded vigorously, her lovely eyes as wide as her lovely smile.

Approval was confirmed.

"He's a boy of outstanding character!" amma declared later. Abu seconded that with a less effusive nod and mumble.

"He'll keep you very happy!" amma added and my abu seconded.

"Oh, he seems so kind and just so genuinely nice!" my amma said. Abu nodded earnestly.

He's won them over, our miracle worker. And me, I'm relieved. I'm utterly relieved.

44 comments:

Anonymous said...

they are only putting on a brave face to hide the shame you and your brothers have brought them. It is so sad that your brothers would not only disregard your families wishes regarding family, but also throw it in their face.

Best of luck, but know that your parents must be heartbroken.

You may want to ask the question of them. Are you glad you came to the united states?

Anonymous said...

What an absolute truck-load of horseshit. Yes, your dear 'amma' (nice use of the old-school words to showcase you're still in touch with your roots) is no doubt thrilled you're marrying someone whereby both (whatever little) faith you have and cultural connection you have will be totally diluted by the next generation.

You better hope this lad marries you. No self-respecting desi would ever want to marry you now...no matter how liberal they say they are.

Do you ACTUALLY believe your mom/dad are happy with this?? God, you are a complete idiot.

Seriously dude, if you wanted to get laid, just get on with it. No need to marry the guy....speaking of which, what kind of guy, after meeting you what 5-10 times declares to your parents he wants to marry you one day??? Trust me, he's just playing you....you're such a blind muppet. You deserve everything that's going to come your way...

Anonymous said...

OMG - I am so thrilled to hear of your wonderful meeting!
Love that answer MP gave your dad - 'our intentions are of the union-for-life kind'

swoon.

So dreamy.
Have a wonderful thanksgiving and best wishes always!

Anonymous said...

Seriously. GAG. What a loser. He clearly said he wanted to marry because he knew that is what your parents wanted to hear.

The alternative would be "Actually i am just hooking up with your daughter" generally never goes well with parents ghora or desi.

Good luck.

Francesca said...

I for one am delighted for you, my dear. Amor vincit omnia.

The puppy missed you yesterday!

zee said...

the first few commentators were nasty, what part of "melting pot" don't you understand? we are in america!

oh i forgot, you hater guys go back home and marry your cousins when your 'game' is 'lame' for the beauties here :P

congrats sabs & MP :)

Sasha said...

I'm so incredibly happy for you two. I love you Sabila and am relieved and so happy for you. Remember what I told you...filter out what everyone says, its only MP and your parents and their feelings that count.

PERIOD.

The rest of the world can go to hell. Life's too short to listen to idiots who have not experienced half of what you and I have been through. You deserve to be HAPPY...and I don't give a shit who its with...as long as YOU are happy.

The rest of the world can go to hell because people who criticize and talk like that are jealous of your happiness.

How they treat/talk to others is a reflection of oneself internally.

Wow! Anonymous must really hate him/herself and be a miserable person.

Be happy love!

*muah*

Sorry K, I guess you're stuck with me.

*wink*

Shit, now I'm crying.

haha.

Rubes said...

I just wanted to say that we are perfectly aware of what society expects of us (as desi's)and we often box ourselves into these expectations. Some of us knowingly step forward with the knowledge that we will be miserable but that we have made our families happy (at the sacrifice of our own happinesses). Another set of us are unwilling to bend and be that sort of sacrificial lamb. Either direction you chose to take, it's YOUR choice, no one elses. Sitting around judging others is useless. The ONLY ONE who judges us is God and therefore, everything you do is between God and You. The question becomes, WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE? GOD? So if you are speaking from a religious stand point, go read your Quran, Bible, Torah, Bhagwat Geeta, or whatever again...Leave the judgement to God.

Sabila and MP, congrats. I commend you for fighting for your love.

-R

Sasha said...

Welcome to the excitement Rubes!

=D

Craig said...

I am so unbelievably happy for you guys!!!

Your posts leave me smiling for hours lately!

Give my best to MP and family!

And remember, only cowards comment anonymously!

Anonymous said...

haram Zadi Rundi. Thum Nai bhohat badnam keya thumara Mah hor bhap Ko.

Rubes said...

Wow, is this for real? Is this commentator for real? No way. Adults do NOT make such comments. It's just downright childish and smacks of a background that contains absolutely NO education whatsoever.

I feel nothing but pity for these types of ppl.

My sweetest Nerddd, screw them all : ) they are scum, pondscum...no...no...lower than that. And that is where they shall forever remain.

-R

SabilaK said...

Sasha, Rubes, Francesca, Craig, Zee: THANK YOU.

The rest of you should be ashamed of yourselves.

rabs said...

To all the idiotic anons -

It was the fear of encountering stupid "holier-than-thou" attitudes like yours that kept me in an abusive relationship with a non-Muslim man. It started out well enough, but by the time things turned bad, I felt like I had no choice but to stick by my mistake. The knowledge that I was no longer considered "fit for consumption" (puke!) within my own community was the main reason for my relectuance to break up with a person who was controlling, emotionally abusive, and on the verge of becoming physically violent by the time I ended the relationship. I actually bought into the crap you're spewing.

Fortunately, I finally realized that other desi's narrow-mindedness was not a good enough reason to torture myself.

So realize when you make comments like that, you're not helping anyone. In fact, you may be doing more harm to the very people who most need support. The law of unintended consequences bites.

anonymouse said...

Is it just me or is the whole Pakistani-man-from-naseeb-jilted-by-his-own-imaginary-romance-with-sabila-the-social-network-heartbreaker thing just boiling over on this blog? While her parents may have put a diplomatic face on things, no parents will go on an offensive to destroy their economically independent childrens' lives.

And secretly I think sabila just loves how the neutered desi males out here (I will happily be a part of this collective) are seething at her finding timorous love in the arms of the Other.

Oy vey.

Anonymous said...

Dude (oy vey boy), you must be dreaming if you think desi boys are upset at the loss of Sabila, the blind whore.

More likely they (we) are just amazed how freaking desparate some desi's can be in their pursuit of white-washing their lives. Love??? Give me a break. This MP boy pretty much proposed to her after knowing her for a month. As a man, I admire his game though. Gotta give the boy props-I've done some things for poonani but to meet the rents/almost propose to get into a chick (even if she is a complete moron) takes big balls. Well done MP! Trust me, no one on Naseeb would have gone for her anyways...well, maybe they would have wanted to shag her but marry??? You must be joking. No self-respecting man would want such a confused woman. I think the desis are just pissed they didn't think of this shag plan before a ghora did.

Best of luck mate. Look forward to your blog entry on the 'Pump and dump' technique.

rabs said...

Anonymous,

Your crassness is ever so appealing. You talk so proudly of the things you've done to get cheap thrills, and still manage to call a girl you've never met a whore. You're the epitome of desi manliness. Le sigh.

I'm sure you must have the Naseeb girls falling over each other (to get away from you).

Assholes like you are why desi girls are willing to try to "white-wash their lives".

Anonymous said...

kind of true though. Guys generally will say or do anything to get in a girls pants. What makes MP different?

For every example you give so many exist of so called nice guy charmers who basically are scumbags. I dont admire his game cuz basically he is a pussy. Come on marriage talk and parents after 2-3 weeks. That screams douch tool.

I dont want to hate and do wish you the best.

Anonymous said...

Sabila-

These haters are assholes. Sorry that you have been so honest in such a public way and they are just being dicks.

I do have a question. Of course every situation is different, but i find it odd that you are so keen on MP and have thrown caution to the wind. If he was a desi guy your parents were pushing dont you think you would be skeptical at least a bit? With MP you dont seem to be at all and meeting him was no less random.

All of us have read your blog and read so many instances of you dismissing guys for on random reason or another yet here you are both feet first with meetings with parents and brothers marriage talk the whole nine.

best of luck, but just an observation.

Anonymous said...

Sabila is a grown women. I am sure she knows very well that she won't be able to marry MP unless he converts to Islam. I just find it really odd that a guy wouldn't even mention anything about his girlfriends religion. I mean I am sure he knows also that he must convert to Islam in order to marry her. Sabila take my advice and find yourself a man that knows what religion is. That is what should be attractive to you.

Terra Shield said...

Sabila, I'm very thrilled for you at this turn of events... I just can't help smiling... Wish you and MP all the best! :)

No Stage Necessary said...

I'm genuinely happy for you and I don't even know you! Congratulations :)

Anonymous Part Deux said...

"Dude (oy vey boy), you must be dreaming if you think desi boys are upset at the loss of Sabila, the blind whore."

Anonymous--

You seem to be spending a LOT of energy hating on Sabila if you don't care...

just an observation.

And go back and read what you wrote. And you wonder why we would rather be with someone who treats us good, regardless of race/religion than someone like you who hates...

once again, just an observation. go self reflect on what you are saying to a woman who you have never probably met...

you are so disrespectful that I am utterly shocked as to the words you are typing here.

dissapointed actually.

if you don't care, then let her be and live your life.

to each his/her own.

Anonymous Part Deux said...

And as far as dismissing others and going for MP...when a woman knows, she just knows.

=)

I'm proud of MP and Sabila for following the 'rules' of conduct when it comes to their courtship and being honest with their respected families.
I wish them nothing but love and hope that we all can be this lucky to find someone who makes us happy.

So instead of just hating on Sabila because she's not with another desi, why don't you really READ and see that they are, in fact, doing what is respectful and right and going about it the right way.

Stop being so mean just because you need something new to bitch about.

arataster said...

people who say that MP needs to convert in order to marry her, or that she cant marry a "ghora" boy cause its not in her religion need to get their facts straight. Thats bullshit. And the least you all can do is give credit to sabila for at least having a proper realationship with MP and not just hooking up or whatatever. At least she's not having secret affairs and hiding stuff from her parents.. or even if she is, that HER BUSINESS. PISS OFF people, let her live.

All desis dont think like that, all arent that narrow-minded. Hell, im a desi myself. And I'm happy for you :) congrats and I hope all goes well!

Sonia said...

I've been keeping my mouth shut about these anonymous remarks for too long. Seriously now - it's not Sabila's problem that your villager-turned-Amreekan parents have managed to permanently taint your vision of love, compassion, and happiness. I'm very sorry that you will never be able to see your wives as anything more than a collective of naughty body parts rather than a human being with thoughts and ideas - you can definitely thank your parents for that one as well. But to try and attribute your views to Islam and use it to justify your mysogyny...why don't you try backing your slander and hatred up with some facts. It would require reading. You know, books. Those things you sometimes see at other people's houses.

Shame on you for resorting to such disgusting language to describe a woman. Not all Pakistanis hail from remote rural communities so forgive us if we don't quite see your parents' jamadar-cum-taxi driver-inspired points of view. Don't impose your ignorance on others.

And although I normally would shy away from insulting a person's parents, it is becoming all too clear to me that manners are learned in the home. So go back to yours and think about what your vulgar words reveal about your own mother and father.

Anonymous Part Deux said...

thank you ladies.

=)

Anonymous said...

No hating, just an observation:

1) Is religion a factor in Sabilak's life? If not (I have no idea), then it really doesn't matter wheter or not MP converts, and I hope they're happy!

2) If religion is a part of her life, well then she can't marry him (IFF we can agree that Islam says a muslim woman cannot marry a non-muslim man. Sorry ladies, I really don't think is up for debate, do you?) UNLESS he converts.

3) IFF he converts just to fulfill the formaility or appease her parents, isn't that akin to hypocrisy? And isn't that the one ofthe worst possible sins (again, ASSUMING religion plays any part of her life).

Again, not judging, just stating the obvious. I'm as romantic as the next guy, but am of the school of thought that love while incredibly important (and MUST be present in a relationship/marriage) unfortunately is not the ONLY factor. Whatever they decide, best of luck!

Anonymous Part Deux said...

but dude...you ARE judging her and claiming her to be a "sinner" when its NOT YOUR JOB...and Sabilas' religious belief and her faith is between HER and GOD...

NOT between HER and YOU. So bugger off!

sheesh!

infinity + 1 conversation leading to nothing.

DC Girl said...

*shakes head in dissapointment*

Are we done arguing 'cause this is getting mentally exhausting. Seems like Anonymous a couple of comments up has no other vocabulary except curse words. I mean look at the type of classless person we're arguing with.

Someone with no logic, no open mind, no tolerance, and no regard for the common respect of a human being. Someone who can only get their point across by cursing and belittling others with their self-hatred. Hmmm, wonder what the tiffs will be like with him and his wife. Can someone say controlling-wife-abusing-badmouthing-classless-freak?

I say from now on we ignore the negative and keep posting the positive. Sabila has more love in her life than not...

Go eat turkey and be happy, and that includes you, Mr. Hater-aid. Its a beautiful day outside,

Cheers!

anonymouse said...

Heh, it's amusing though. The reason to read this blog has shifted from the main protagonist (SK) to her commentators. This was always going to happen when SK as available lust object transmuted into SK as lovesick guppy.

Frankly though, this whole debate about 'are Muslim women allowed to marry non-converts' is boring and sickening as well (imagine!). Even if SK's Islamic reliogiosity seems rather based on convenience than deep connections with the scripture (viz. she will do Ramadan but won't necessarily wear a hijab or confine herself to Muslim men), that's her choice. And aren't 'men of the Book' (ahl-e-Kitab) tolerated as spouses? Or that's just a convenient excuse for whitewashing? If you really ask me this so-called flamewar/debate has 'pointless' written all over it. Now the available Islam experts can deny this..

Anonymous said...

What is going on is all I want to know? What is all this hate about Islam? So many commentators trying to change or distort Islams fundamental laws and teaching is rather sickening. I see it everyday and it is starting to dawn on me that this world is truely filled with crazy people that like to change things just for their worldy pursuits and pleasures. So yeah many will say who cares what other people do as long as they are happy. This is the very liberal thinking of todays society that is destroying the Muslim Ummah. I feel that their is an air of jealously that people want to corrupt and change the laws of Islam because they themselves have no religion and they like to see other people following in their footsteps. I will say it again and again it is unlawful for a Muslim women to marry a nonmuslim man. Read it in the Quran! I can understand that in todays blog world there are so many free thinkers that think so highly of themselves, I for one don't condone this open, free-thinking, anything goes attitude. We all know what is happening to this world and it is just becoming crazy.

And for all the anonymous posters out there don't care what these people say. A lot of people have this self righteous attitude that they are somehow special or unique because they put a name to their words but in reality it doesn't make of iota of a difference because I can personally attest that from what I read it is the anonymous people that are the most interesting of all the posters.

All I know is that this dc chic is really starting to bust a chord. I mean come on I would feel sorry for any guy that would decide to be with such a love bug like herself. ugh

Cyberfish said...

Generally I find myself quite disgusted with humanity. The various anonymous incarnations have taken up the banner of Islam, citing that the flexibility people have adopted in recent years is a direct contributing factor to the demise of the religion. That argument is full of straw and honestly is the cowards way out. Not that it is especially relevant here, but what is killing the so called Ummah is racism, and nationalism, plain and simple. Although this person happens to be correct that marrying a non-muslim is haram, and not in any way debatable, somehow I am not convinced of their piety and specific desire to preserve the tenets of Islam.
I am ashamed as a human being that the majority of people who have chosen to dignify anything anonymous has said with a response have been so dismissive. While that persons well-being is not an issue here, every time someone opens their mouth, be it in a blog or in a coffee shop, is a chance to have a dialogue. Whether anonymous wants to admit it, it is obvious to me that what he FEELS has been lost entirely in what he has SAID. I suspect dismissals are problematic for anonymous and is essentially the core issue for him, and ultimately those who have attempted to silence him. It is not an easy thing to be an ethnic man in this country (whoever mentioned melting pot SHAME ON YOU). It is even more difficult to be rejected by your own in favor of a white person (something that remains conjecture since MP's race has never been confirmed). I won't explore the entire dynamic here cause I would need a book honestly. Anonymous has simply chosen Sabila as a focus for his disappointment and anger. Unfortunately he lacks the maturity and poise to express it in any other way than he has. But aren't there at least a few who can see beyond the bitterness and into the truth? I am not saying he is right for doing so, but I am saying that we are all wrong for not seeing it. And we are all wrong and somehow lessened for not taking the opportunity to discuss it. Granted the wake of Sabila's blossoming romance is not the most convenient time to discuss such matter, but when is it ever? If I were here or MP I might feel good that my romance had the auxilliary effect of spawning a dialog that might have some lasting change on at least one person. It is so easy to be PC or to just sweep it under the carpet. The truth is anonymous feels inferior. And his blind assault on Sabila are proof of this. He feels this way because every time a desi girl gets with a ghora, it affirms that he is not even good enough for his (own) people, at least in his mind. And I am certain this is a dynamic he has witnessed and or fallen prey to more than once. Before you JUDGE this attitude, try putting yourself into it. Try to understand it. It takes more than happy slogans to combat hate. And sometimes you need to get covered in it before you understand it. Whatever you do, don't simply dismiss it. These things have a habit of festering and metastasizing. Sorry for the long comment.

Anonymous said...

cyberfish= 33year old single douch loser. Just check out his blog and the lame list he has put together of traits a girl need not have to be able to date this fat loser who lives in virginia of all places. Good luck douchbag and keep your advice to yourself.

Anonymous said...

Oh, such a long comment. Do you want a cookie? To be truthfully honest with you your comment wasn’t impressive at the very least. First, of all how are you so sure that anonymous who commented above you is a male? Because I can assure you that you are completely wrong in that assessment. How do you put all the anonymous’s in one category? That is showing me that you don’t have the slightest understanding about what people are saying. I mean what kind of name is cyberfish? Anyone who goes around with that name sure has an agenda, I mean who doesn’t right?

And you are wrong; yes the flexibility people have adopted with Islam is one of the reasons for its destruction. It is a given fact that Islam is not an extreme religion it is a moderate religion. When you follow Islam the right way things will naturally fall into place the right way. I don’t know how religious you are but obviously you don’t have any type of understanding about Islam. I don’t feel inferior in any way, but I sure have an inkling that you do as well as many other commentators on here.

As for Sabila going out with a ghora is non of my concern I was just expressing my thoughts on the whole issue of how it is haram for a muslim women to marry a nonmuslim man. If Sabila is knowledgeable somewhat about Islam she wouldn’t go around give people the wrong idea about Islam and making people think that Muslim women can marry nonmuslim men, that in itself is a sin. You are misinforming the masses and I am sure you are adult enough to know that even if you write in a blog that isn’t a very smart thing to do in representing your religion. But obviously from the things I read, I am guessing you are not very religious.

But keep in mind something; ghora men only respect ghora women. They treat their womens like Queen and look down on women of other races. Don’t say know one warned you. Now if he was a Muslim or someone who had an interest to learn about Islam that would be a different story because that would show that he believes that one race is not better than another, because Islam is the ONLY religion that is against racism.

Going for a ghora who is far from Islam is not a smart move, he will defiantly show you in years to come how flexible he is and how flexible he can become. Because when it comes to secularization anything goes.

Sonia said...

Anonymous, you are more transparent than you think. Male. Pakistani origin. 20-something. Went to or still attending a community college. Still living with your parents. Mother still cooks for you, does your laundry, and cleans up after you leave the house in the morning. Mother raised you with a false sense of security - convincing you that gorgeous women like Sabila would fall at your feet when you reached marriageable age. Unfortunately she was wrong and you are regularly rejected by women - Pakistani and other. You therefore channel your sexual frustration into angry blog posts in an attempt to exact revenge on the type of women who have hurt you and to mask your ever-growing insecurities. I think Cyberfish couldn't be more on the ball. You can deny it all you want but you aren't hiding anything.

I do find it amusing that you would try and convince us that you are a woman. Who do you think you're fooling?

Sorry Cyberfish, but it is very hard to feel sympathy for anyone who could be so disrespectful - to women AND to my religion. There is a certain etiquette to productive dialogue and this boy has crossed all the boundaries of decency and maturity. The sad thing is that he will marry some poor young submissive girl one day and the ignorance will only multiply. These attitudes are passed down from generation to generation.

Cyberfish said...

Sonia, correction, OUR religion.
And perhaps you are right some people are unwilling to participate in civilized dialog. But some times you don't know if they are or not until you lay it out there in plain english. Despite both anonymous' desire to insult me rather than talk, I will never turn a deaf ear to someone once they have demonstrated a desire for meaningful convo. The operative word being "demonstrated".

Anonymous said...

And yet another Sabila defender. Go figure. Let me make a couple things clear. Are looks really everything in society? Is it the be all, end all of what people want to attain out of life. Who is hot and who is not right? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder first and foremost. Secondly, beauty comes from within. Men or Women who go gaga over people because of their exterior without even giving their interior a second look are pathetic losers who haven't really grasped the concept of reality. Reality is this, true beauty comes from inside the soul. You can only be beautiful if you have faith. People without any sense of direction or faith in life are the most ugly people on this earth and it doesn't even surprise me out ugly people flock to other ugly people like bees to honey.

And Sonia dear, you have an awfull lot of courage on this thanksgiving day to even be making those assumptions about an anonymous you don't even know and will never know.

Disrespectful to your religion in what sense? Is it only your religion and other people are not allowed to chime in? What a self-rightous attitude huh? Give me a break and stop spewing lies. Let me ask you this, How religous are you dear, because I can assure you if you were religious you would be happy to read what I said. I can assure you on that. But instead you are a hypocrite that likes to come on the internet to get your dose of self-gratification.

SabilaK said...

Hey Anon,
Guess the hell what? I just rejected your comment! Go read a book or something. Reading can really help you expand your horizons if you let it! Good luck and thanks so much for reading! Come again sweetheart!

SabilaK said...

Oops. And by come again, I actually meant don't come again. I'm glad we understand each other!

Anonymous said...

Have the balls to tell me who you are you fuckin' piece of shit, Anonymous! HAVE THE FUCKIN' BALLS! Son of a bitch!

Anonymous said...

"...the shame you and your brothers have brought them..."!!! FUCK YOU! The shame your mother brought to this planet by giving birth to a backwards, ignorant, piece of shit like you...now that's what I'd like to discuss further, ASSHOLE!!! YOU ARE A DICKHEAD!!! GO FUCK YOURSELF!

Your FATHER! said...

GET THE FUCKING BALLS TO TELL ME WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE, ASSHOLE!! Get out from under your 'burqa', ASSHOLE!

Anonymous said...

First of all, be nice you guys.
If that is her choice, let it be,
but do not ruin your own deen and iman by cursing and saying unislamic things to her. You are ruining yourselves while trying to save someone else.

But I have to tell you, it is strictly forbidden in Islam to marry a Non-Muslim man. But it becomes halal if he converts. So, the question is, is he converting?
If yes, then congratulations and I wish you both a wonderful life. If the answer is no, then I hope Allah guides you in your path and that you find yourself before it is too late.