I'm somewhat surprised--perhaps even a little shocked--that none of my readers who responded to the post below found my blog by doing a random Google search for, say, "dirty Madlibs," "spinsterhood," or "aunty toilet stalls."
Surely, this can't be true...surely?
Speaking of dirty Madlibs, and my place in the vaunted Google search result for dirty Madlibs, I'm happy to report that I've made it, kittens! Revenge of the Nerddd is search result numero uno when one searches for dirty madlibs in quotes! This is a monumental occasion, a couple of years in the making (I've just designated this blog post a no judgement zone, so please keep all opinions to yourself. Ahem). A couple of posers somehow beat me out when the dirty madlibs is without quotes but ask me if I care! Everyone I know knows how to make their searches more effective and that's by putting your search terms in quotes!!!!! BOOYAA, POSERS!
Ahem.
I also happen to be Google search result #310 for "parallel parking (poor souls who think they're actually going to learn anything about driving/parking on my blog, I apologize in advance), #21 on Yahoo for "spinsterhood," (why this makes me proud is a question to be pondered on a different day) and (drum roll please) #4 on Google for "aunty toilet stall" (yeah, I didn't make that one up. I wonder how many pervs have found the blog doing that particular search).
Bizarre but also kind of awesome.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE, ANYWAY?
Dear Kittens,
Now that I know the serendipities that eventually led MP to my blog, I turn my attention to you. Yes, you. I was having lunch with a friend yesterday, when she asked me how the hell people find my blog. I explained to her that I actively pimp Nerddd on the baba-jillion networking sites I'm on and that, surely, word of mouth plays a part in blog discoveries. But, who knows? Perhaps some of you found my blog in the same random manner that MP did. Or maybe it was through networking site number 1,000,001.
I don't care how you did it, just tell me so that I can satisfy my own curiousity.
And, seriously, who are you guys, anyway? Introductions would be much appreciated (if you feel comfortable doing that sort of thing).
To the haters out there, rest assured, comment moderation is alive and well.
Yours,
The Nerddd
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
WHY I LOVE MY FAMILY
I told amma about the recent online harassment I've been getting for dating someone who is neither South Asian nor Muslim and warned her that I'll probably receive criticism from a handful of more conservative relatives when they find out about MP. She squared her shoulders fiercely and declared, "Whoever has something to say can say it to me. Let's see who wants to talk to me about my daughter."
My brothers, on the verge of kicking some anonymous ass, made me swear that I will direct anyone who gives me any shit for being in an interracial relationship to them.
Abu is pleased that MP calls him abu (though it sounds like "a-booo" when he says it, which is adorable) and that I've finally found a genuinely nice guy. My father is old school and would destroy anyone who had anything negative to say about his family.
I am blessed.
My brothers, on the verge of kicking some anonymous ass, made me swear that I will direct anyone who gives me any shit for being in an interracial relationship to them.
Abu is pleased that MP calls him abu (though it sounds like "a-booo" when he says it, which is adorable) and that I've finally found a genuinely nice guy. My father is old school and would destroy anyone who had anything negative to say about his family.
I am blessed.
Monday, November 26, 2007
I'M STILL ON THE MARKET...
...for effin' galoshes.
It's an effin' rainy morning in effin' New York City.
I nearly effin' fell on my effin' face stepping off the effin' train and onto the effin' platform. Can you even effin' imagine what would've happened to my perpetually effin' busted hip had I taken a spill on the effin' station platform during morning rush hour? It wouldn't have been pretty, my friends. I would've probably just gone home.
But at least I had the lovely umbrella that MP gave me on our first date (look closely at the comments section here to see of which umbrella I speak. He also gifted me with the water bottle. Sigh), and almost as soon as I opened it against the world, I felt better. I could take on any Monday morning the city had to hurl at me, rain drenched or not. So, with my soaking bags pressed against me, my steps a little more tentative than usual, I made my way towards coffee, that sweet nectar of Monday mornings everywhere.
I ordered a small, light with skim milk and two Equals*. And as I gripped onto my sweet savior coffee with one hand and tried to open my sweet savior umbrella with the other, all while carrying a backpack and a handbag, I spilled Monday morning nectar on my coat.
And, as much as I love both, I cursed the effin' umbrella and I cursed the effin' coffee (I also cursed the effin' rain, my effin' bags, my effin' no-traction-in-the-effin'-rain-walking-shoes, my effin' lack of effin' galoshes, and effin' Monday mornings) before managing to open the umbrella and walking to work.
Here's to days that aren't effin' Mondays.
*OMG, this woman next to me ordered a medium coffee with skim milk and 7 effin' Splendas!!! That's like 14 teaspoons of effin' sugar!!! I wanted to shake her a little but to each her own, I suppose.
FUCK!
It's an effin' rainy morning in effin' New York City.
I nearly effin' fell on my effin' face stepping off the effin' train and onto the effin' platform. Can you even effin' imagine what would've happened to my perpetually effin' busted hip had I taken a spill on the effin' station platform during morning rush hour? It wouldn't have been pretty, my friends. I would've probably just gone home.
But at least I had the lovely umbrella that MP gave me on our first date (look closely at the comments section here to see of which umbrella I speak. He also gifted me with the water bottle. Sigh), and almost as soon as I opened it against the world, I felt better. I could take on any Monday morning the city had to hurl at me, rain drenched or not. So, with my soaking bags pressed against me, my steps a little more tentative than usual, I made my way towards coffee, that sweet nectar of Monday mornings everywhere.
I ordered a small, light with skim milk and two Equals*. And as I gripped onto my sweet savior coffee with one hand and tried to open my sweet savior umbrella with the other, all while carrying a backpack and a handbag, I spilled Monday morning nectar on my coat.
And, as much as I love both, I cursed the effin' umbrella and I cursed the effin' coffee (I also cursed the effin' rain, my effin' bags, my effin' no-traction-in-the-effin'-rain-walking-shoes, my effin' lack of effin' galoshes, and effin' Monday mornings) before managing to open the umbrella and walking to work.
Here's to days that aren't effin' Mondays.
*OMG, this woman next to me ordered a medium coffee with skim milk and 7 effin' Splendas!!! That's like 14 teaspoons of effin' sugar!!! I wanted to shake her a little but to each her own, I suppose.
FUCK!
Thursday, November 22, 2007
MODERATE
Enough! I refuse to watch my blog become a soapbox for backward, bigoted, misogynistic louts! I’m going to continue blogging about my relationship with MP, so deal with it. Yes, MP isn’t South Asian (newsflash, he isn't ghora either!) or Muslim but he treats me with more respect than any one of you narrow-minded idiots will ever be able to muster in an entire lifetime, so GET THE HELL OVER IT. If you halfwit cowards can’t deal with my newfound romance but continue to read my blog anyway, that’s really not my problem! If reading about my happiness is causing you such great affliction, STOP READING MY BLOG. Blogs aren't meant to be distressing! Maybe you just weren't meant to read this blog. Sad, I know, but not everyone can be a kitten.
Like I said, I’m going to continue posting about my romance because it’s a damned good love story that unfolded on this blog. However, I AM going to start moderating comments again. Clearly, some of my readers aren’t mature enough to be left unsupervised.
Happy Thanksgiving to my kittens who aren’t bigoted, backward, and misogynistic! The rest of you, just close your eyes and try to hit the back button away from this page before you pop a vessel or get your panties in a twist.
Like I said, I’m going to continue posting about my romance because it’s a damned good love story that unfolded on this blog. However, I AM going to start moderating comments again. Clearly, some of my readers aren’t mature enough to be left unsupervised.
Happy Thanksgiving to my kittens who aren’t bigoted, backward, and misogynistic! The rest of you, just close your eyes and try to hit the back button away from this page before you pop a vessel or get your panties in a twist.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
AND THEY MEET
MP came to Jersey City last night. He carried a beautiful flower arrangement from Takashimaya and wore the green sweater I gave him on the occasion of our one month anniversary on Monday. I greeted him outside the restaurant with a nod. My father welcomed him with his classic I-don't-give-a-shit-whether-or-not-you-try-to-impress-me poker face; my mother said hello with her dazzling million-watt smile and her aggressive charm. Even before we sat down, amma presented MP with a handsomely packaged handsome tie, which, I should add, she picked out without any of my assistance.
We sat down. Abu asked MP about his job, his family, the country from which his family hails, as well as the country that he calls home. Amma encouraged him to eat from the breadbasket because "You just got in from work and must be starving." Slowly, my anxiety about the hammer falling--ie, my father asking MP super awkward questions--dissipated. I enjoyed my swordfish steak. I relished in the fact that my MP was slowly winning my father over with his stories and clinching my mother's love for him. He cooks! He's traveled the world! He's a brilliant biologist turned brilliant lawyer! He's making my father laugh! He's making me so happy!
But then my father asked me a question that I didn't expect would become awkward but, oh, it most certainly did.
How did you two meet?
I stumbled over the following words: blog, comments, random, ES, kismet. I might have thrown happenstance into the mix.
MP chalked it up to two words: book recommendation.
And then the awkwardness continued. My father asked the question about faith but MP's answer satisfied him. Abu then threw out the kicker:
What are your plans?
I covered my mouth with my hand and looked away, giggling a little in my anxiousness.
What are your plans? he asked again and said that he was an old fashioned guy, who didn't believe in excessive dating.
MP said if abu was asking whether or not we intend to get married, the answer is yes. Neither of us have a timetable, he explained, but our intentions are of the union-for-life kind.
And that was as far as the grilling went. To be honest with you, I expected more grilling but abu later told me that he didn't think any additional interrogation was necessary because MP won him over so completely from the get-go.
At one point, as MP leaned over the side of the table to reveal the lovely bouquet he'd bought for my lovely parents, my lovely mother nodded vigorously, her lovely eyes as wide as her lovely smile.
Approval was confirmed.
"He's a boy of outstanding character!" amma declared later. Abu seconded that with a less effusive nod and mumble.
"He'll keep you very happy!" amma added and my abu seconded.
"Oh, he seems so kind and just so genuinely nice!" my amma said. Abu nodded earnestly.
He's won them over, our miracle worker. And me, I'm relieved. I'm utterly relieved.
We sat down. Abu asked MP about his job, his family, the country from which his family hails, as well as the country that he calls home. Amma encouraged him to eat from the breadbasket because "You just got in from work and must be starving." Slowly, my anxiety about the hammer falling--ie, my father asking MP super awkward questions--dissipated. I enjoyed my swordfish steak. I relished in the fact that my MP was slowly winning my father over with his stories and clinching my mother's love for him. He cooks! He's traveled the world! He's a brilliant biologist turned brilliant lawyer! He's making my father laugh! He's making me so happy!
But then my father asked me a question that I didn't expect would become awkward but, oh, it most certainly did.
How did you two meet?
I stumbled over the following words: blog, comments, random, ES, kismet. I might have thrown happenstance into the mix.
MP chalked it up to two words: book recommendation.
And then the awkwardness continued. My father asked the question about faith but MP's answer satisfied him. Abu then threw out the kicker:
What are your plans?
I covered my mouth with my hand and looked away, giggling a little in my anxiousness.
What are your plans? he asked again and said that he was an old fashioned guy, who didn't believe in excessive dating.
MP said if abu was asking whether or not we intend to get married, the answer is yes. Neither of us have a timetable, he explained, but our intentions are of the union-for-life kind.
And that was as far as the grilling went. To be honest with you, I expected more grilling but abu later told me that he didn't think any additional interrogation was necessary because MP won him over so completely from the get-go.
At one point, as MP leaned over the side of the table to reveal the lovely bouquet he'd bought for my lovely parents, my lovely mother nodded vigorously, her lovely eyes as wide as her lovely smile.
Approval was confirmed.
"He's a boy of outstanding character!" amma declared later. Abu seconded that with a less effusive nod and mumble.
"He'll keep you very happy!" amma added and my abu seconded.
"Oh, he seems so kind and just so genuinely nice!" my amma said. Abu nodded earnestly.
He's won them over, our miracle worker. And me, I'm relieved. I'm utterly relieved.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
How We First Met: Mongolia, Parasailing, Cruise Ships and Broken Showers
Here is my MP's post. Enjoy.
My discovery of the Nerddd's blog was a result of a seemingly random, yet interconnected set of happenstances that involved Mongolia, parasailing, cruise ships and broken showers.
Here is the sequence:
1. In the winter of 2004, after having to completed law school a semester early, I went on a five month around-the-world-pre-bar-trip, including a jaunt along the Trans-Siberian railroad through Mongolia.
2. A few months later, in the summer of 2004, after writing the New York bar, I decided that I would spend some quality time with my sister in Toronto in the interim before beginning my new job in Manhattan.
3. Whilst in Toronto, I attended the house party of my friends P. and L., whereupon, by chance, one of L.'s sister's friends, G, stopped by for about 15 minutes to take a shower (as her shower had broken down just days before). I spoke to her for all of 4-5 minutes, mentioning in passing my travels.
4. Fast forward to summer 2006 - I received a random email from L. (who was interning in New Delhi at the time) asking me whether or not I remembered the chance encounter with her sister's showering friend G, and if so, whether G. could pick my brain for advice on traveling through Mongolia. Apparently, she was in the midst of her own around the world trip, was at the time heading to Mongolia and had remembered our brief five minute conversation. I, of course, obliged.
5. I emailed G. to give her some thoughts, but also sheepishly admitted that as I had traveled to Mongolia in the winter when it was prohibitively cold, I didn't have too much to offer in the way of sightseeing tips. I then suggested that if she happened by any one of China, Tibet, Vietnam, Thailand etc. during her trip, that I could probably be of more use.
6. She wrote back a few weeks later asking for advice on Tibet. I give her a long dissertation, apologized again for not being terribly useful on Mongolia and then randomly asked her how she enjoyed her travels there.
7. During that time, my parents were thinking about going on a cruise and had tasked me with doing some initial research. Originally we were targeting the Caribbean and I was researching shore-excursions/activities and came across parasailing.
8. Almost at the very moment I did a Google search on parasailing, I got an email response back from G. thanking me for the Tibet advice, and letting me know that she had a great time in Mongolia and gave me the link to her blog. She then mentioned that she had found excellent travel advice by doing a search on Blogger for Mongolia. Reading about the direct experiences of others gave her great ideas about her own trips and she suggested that I use that as a resource the next time I was planning a trip. As I had never read a blog before, I followed the link and read through her stories of travels through India, Kashmir, Afghanistan, Russia and Turkey. After reading her blog, given that just minutes before, I had google-searched "parasailing," I spontaneously did a blogger search for "parasailing.”
9. Also by happenstance, the Nerddd had just recently completed the entry "The Nerd and her BFF Parasail" as it happened to be the fourth hit on that list (sorted by date). I had read through the first hit, and didn't think much of it. Before parting from the search page, I randomly clicked on the Nerddd's link, found it delightful, then read through her original set of entries and admired her love of Ken Burns, William Faulkner and ee cummings, among others, and then in an out of character move, spontaneously bookmarked it as a favorite, and the rest is history.
10. As an aside, I have not done a Blogger search since, I have not bookmarked another blog as a favorite since, my family never ended up cruising to the Caribbean and I've never dirty madlibbed either.
So, in brief, the road to my meeting the Nerddd was contingent upon a chance encounter four years ago, an email out of the blue based on my (supposed) knowledge of Mongolia, the temporal intersection of my discovering blogging at the same time my parents were asking for research on cruises and the Nerddd having blogged about parasailing, combined with easy access to a blogger search function which no longer appears to be available.
Kismet, it seems, is alive and well.
My discovery of the Nerddd's blog was a result of a seemingly random, yet interconnected set of happenstances that involved Mongolia, parasailing, cruise ships and broken showers.
Here is the sequence:
1. In the winter of 2004, after having to completed law school a semester early, I went on a five month around-the-world-pre-bar-trip, including a jaunt along the Trans-Siberian railroad through Mongolia.
2. A few months later, in the summer of 2004, after writing the New York bar, I decided that I would spend some quality time with my sister in Toronto in the interim before beginning my new job in Manhattan.
3. Whilst in Toronto, I attended the house party of my friends P. and L., whereupon, by chance, one of L.'s sister's friends, G, stopped by for about 15 minutes to take a shower (as her shower had broken down just days before). I spoke to her for all of 4-5 minutes, mentioning in passing my travels.
4. Fast forward to summer 2006 - I received a random email from L. (who was interning in New Delhi at the time) asking me whether or not I remembered the chance encounter with her sister's showering friend G, and if so, whether G. could pick my brain for advice on traveling through Mongolia. Apparently, she was in the midst of her own around the world trip, was at the time heading to Mongolia and had remembered our brief five minute conversation. I, of course, obliged.
5. I emailed G. to give her some thoughts, but also sheepishly admitted that as I had traveled to Mongolia in the winter when it was prohibitively cold, I didn't have too much to offer in the way of sightseeing tips. I then suggested that if she happened by any one of China, Tibet, Vietnam, Thailand etc. during her trip, that I could probably be of more use.
6. She wrote back a few weeks later asking for advice on Tibet. I give her a long dissertation, apologized again for not being terribly useful on Mongolia and then randomly asked her how she enjoyed her travels there.
7. During that time, my parents were thinking about going on a cruise and had tasked me with doing some initial research. Originally we were targeting the Caribbean and I was researching shore-excursions/activities and came across parasailing.
8. Almost at the very moment I did a Google search on parasailing, I got an email response back from G. thanking me for the Tibet advice, and letting me know that she had a great time in Mongolia and gave me the link to her blog. She then mentioned that she had found excellent travel advice by doing a search on Blogger for Mongolia. Reading about the direct experiences of others gave her great ideas about her own trips and she suggested that I use that as a resource the next time I was planning a trip. As I had never read a blog before, I followed the link and read through her stories of travels through India, Kashmir, Afghanistan, Russia and Turkey. After reading her blog, given that just minutes before, I had google-searched "parasailing," I spontaneously did a blogger search for "parasailing.”
9. Also by happenstance, the Nerddd had just recently completed the entry "The Nerd and her BFF Parasail" as it happened to be the fourth hit on that list (sorted by date). I had read through the first hit, and didn't think much of it. Before parting from the search page, I randomly clicked on the Nerddd's link, found it delightful, then read through her original set of entries and admired her love of Ken Burns, William Faulkner and ee cummings, among others, and then in an out of character move, spontaneously bookmarked it as a favorite, and the rest is history.
10. As an aside, I have not done a Blogger search since, I have not bookmarked another blog as a favorite since, my family never ended up cruising to the Caribbean and I've never dirty madlibbed either.
So, in brief, the road to my meeting the Nerddd was contingent upon a chance encounter four years ago, an email out of the blue based on my (supposed) knowledge of Mongolia, the temporal intersection of my discovering blogging at the same time my parents were asking for research on cruises and the Nerddd having blogged about parasailing, combined with easy access to a blogger search function which no longer appears to be available.
Kismet, it seems, is alive and well.
HEY MOM, DAD: MEET MP!
To all the naysayers out there who think that MP is a fictitious character on this blog, bugger off, please. Anyone who knows me in real life knows that he's the real deal. Five people who are very dear to me have already met him and most of them wholeheartedly approve (MP and I randomly ran into the fifth dear as he walked his dog on the streets of the West Village last night. It was so gloriously random. I recognized my friend's dog--who's looking super svelte these days, by the way--and blurted out my friend's name! Luckily, it was said friend, who looked a bit shell shocked to see us standing before him. In any case, I don't know whether he was in MP's company long enough to actually give me a thumbs up but we so must discuss later!).
The brothers loved him. My mother already loves him. Since most of the family is on board, we're going to break the news of MP being the real deal to my father (gulp) today. I gulp because MP isn't of South Asian and Muslim heritage. I should give my dad, who happens to be a very intelligent, openminded, and progressive person, the benefit of the doubt but I'm pretty worried. In any case, if all goes well, MP will be sitting down to dinner with the Khan clan next Sunday.
I promise I'll keep you posted, kittens.
The brothers loved him. My mother already loves him. Since most of the family is on board, we're going to break the news of MP being the real deal to my father (gulp) today. I gulp because MP isn't of South Asian and Muslim heritage. I should give my dad, who happens to be a very intelligent, openminded, and progressive person, the benefit of the doubt but I'm pretty worried. In any case, if all goes well, MP will be sitting down to dinner with the Khan clan next Sunday.
I promise I'll keep you posted, kittens.
Friday, November 16, 2007
HEY MP, MEET THE BROTHERS or T minus 1
That's right folks. MP is meeting my two big brother tomorrow. Gulp.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
GUEST BLOGGER
My Dear Kittens,
Let's take a vote.
How would you like it if we had a guest blogger on Revengeofthenerddd.blogspot.com?
How would you like it if the guest blogger was the one and only MP?
How would you like to find out exactly how our (my) MP stumbled upon my blog for the very first time over a year ago (trust me dears, it's a lovely tale of serendipity)?
Let me know.
Yours,
The Nerddd
ps: MP, dear, I know we haven't had a prior discussion about this and I hope you don't mind yet another very public shout out but I think your side of the "how-we-got-together" story could make for a delightfully romantic blog post.
pps: Did I take it a little too far? Because, seriously, I sometimes don't have that internal filter when it comes to blogging. Ahem.
Let's take a vote.
How would you like it if we had a guest blogger on Revengeofthenerddd.blogspot.com?
How would you like it if the guest blogger was the one and only MP?
How would you like to find out exactly how our (my) MP stumbled upon my blog for the very first time over a year ago (trust me dears, it's a lovely tale of serendipity)?
Let me know.
Yours,
The Nerddd
ps: MP, dear, I know we haven't had a prior discussion about this and I hope you don't mind yet another very public shout out but I think your side of the "how-we-got-together" story could make for a delightfully romantic blog post.
pps: Did I take it a little too far? Because, seriously, I sometimes don't have that internal filter when it comes to blogging. Ahem.
CREDIT CARD CONFUSION
I was recently notified in a letter from my credit card company that I had something like a million airline miles. Unfortunately, they weren't the three trillion I would need for actual airline tickets (lying, scummy bastards!) but seeing that I couldn't roll them over into next year (stingy, cruel bastards), I could "purchase" magazine subscriptions with my points. And so I chose about eight magazines from the selection I was given only to receive yet another note about a week later informing me that one of my magazine choices--Lucky-- was no longer available and that I'd have to choose from one of the following publications:
Black Enterprise
Golf For Women
Out
Teen Vogue
The Advocate
Clearly, my credit card company seems to be under the impression that I'm a black lesbian executive, who plays golf and has a teenage daughter.
Clearly, I need to divorce myself from my credit card company.
If anyone's interested in knowing, I chose to go with Teen Vogue. Ahem.
Black Enterprise
Golf For Women
Out
Teen Vogue
The Advocate
Clearly, my credit card company seems to be under the impression that I'm a black lesbian executive, who plays golf and has a teenage daughter.
Clearly, I need to divorce myself from my credit card company.
If anyone's interested in knowing, I chose to go with Teen Vogue. Ahem.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
NIGHTMARES AND MY BF
My nightmare:
We have two hours until the cruise ship departs but my brothers are insisting that I give them more time to play videogames. I stress too much and, really, there's no way the ship's going to leave without us. I stomp my feet and protest a little but finally give in. While waiting for them, I do a mental inventory of everything I've packed away for our seven night cruise and realize with a heavy heart that I haven't packed enough clothes because I've seemingly ballooned to 500 lbs and many of my clothes no longer fit me. I have tons of tent- and table cloth-like parcels of ridiculously patterned fabrics that I'm hoping will cover my girth but I know that these aren't appropriate for the two formal nights on the cruise. Which only means one thing! I must run out to the mall and find something fancy to wear. Suddenly, I find myself lost and wandering in a London supermall (now I don’t know if London even has supermalls but I know instinctively in my dream that I am definitely in London and that I'm lost). In a panic over the very real prospect of a) not finding a dress and b) being late for the cruise, I suddenly have to pee. When I do finallyfind the ladies' room, I become stuck in a toilet stall and nearly break the door as I manage to somehow squeeze out. A plus size girl I know in real life is sitting on a chair by the sink. She says, "I don't know what to tell you. They're gonna have to start making bathrooms for girls our size."
I start to explain to her that I'm not really her size but, luckily, I wake up in my bed, relieved that I'm not going on a cruise and am, instead, spending the day with MP.
My bf:
Later in the day, when I tell MP about my dream, he laughs and says, "Sabila, if you ever find yourself 500 lbs and trapped in a bathroom stall, give me a call. I'll bring the butter and jack you out."
Sigh.
We have two hours until the cruise ship departs but my brothers are insisting that I give them more time to play videogames. I stress too much and, really, there's no way the ship's going to leave without us. I stomp my feet and protest a little but finally give in. While waiting for them, I do a mental inventory of everything I've packed away for our seven night cruise and realize with a heavy heart that I haven't packed enough clothes because I've seemingly ballooned to 500 lbs and many of my clothes no longer fit me. I have tons of tent- and table cloth-like parcels of ridiculously patterned fabrics that I'm hoping will cover my girth but I know that these aren't appropriate for the two formal nights on the cruise. Which only means one thing! I must run out to the mall and find something fancy to wear. Suddenly, I find myself lost and wandering in a London supermall (now I don’t know if London even has supermalls but I know instinctively in my dream that I am definitely in London and that I'm lost). In a panic over the very real prospect of a) not finding a dress and b) being late for the cruise, I suddenly have to pee. When I do finallyfind the ladies' room, I become stuck in a toilet stall and nearly break the door as I manage to somehow squeeze out. A plus size girl I know in real life is sitting on a chair by the sink. She says, "I don't know what to tell you. They're gonna have to start making bathrooms for girls our size."
I start to explain to her that I'm not really her size but, luckily, I wake up in my bed, relieved that I'm not going on a cruise and am, instead, spending the day with MP.
My bf:
Later in the day, when I tell MP about my dream, he laughs and says, "Sabila, if you ever find yourself 500 lbs and trapped in a bathroom stall, give me a call. I'll bring the butter and jack you out."
Sigh.
Monday, November 12, 2007
NO SHOW MONDAY
Apologies for not posting today kittens. I was experiencing major technical difficulties. More TK tomorrow but in the meantime, you all should read what my bff Rachel had to say in the below post's comments section about MP. It's rather nice and all true. Sigh.
so i met MP the other night and made the following observations:
1. his knowledge of properly taking a dump in the woods and surviving 17 days without showering is impressive.
2. he can survive 3 cackling women.
3. he can take my ball busting....and give in right back. (always a plus)
4. he kind enough not to be openly terrified of my driving skills. (niiiiice)
5. he's a patient man. (damn bastards at the restaurant kept on making mistakes with is order)
6. most importantly, he was good to our sabila. he continued to hold her hand even though his other hand would've made eating his nachos a bit easier....aaawww.
so, overall, i'd say so far so good. however, my final decision hinges on his karaoke skills.
MP - your NIN skills better rock! i'm expecting a kick ass performance and a faux-hawk. i'll be soooo disappointed otherwise...
rachel
so i met MP the other night and made the following observations:
1. his knowledge of properly taking a dump in the woods and surviving 17 days without showering is impressive.
2. he can survive 3 cackling women.
3. he can take my ball busting....and give in right back. (always a plus)
4. he kind enough not to be openly terrified of my driving skills. (niiiiice)
5. he's a patient man. (damn bastards at the restaurant kept on making mistakes with is order)
6. most importantly, he was good to our sabila. he continued to hold her hand even though his other hand would've made eating his nachos a bit easier....aaawww.
so, overall, i'd say so far so good. however, my final decision hinges on his karaoke skills.
MP - your NIN skills better rock! i'm expecting a kick ass performance and a faux-hawk. i'll be soooo disappointed otherwise...
rachel
Friday, November 09, 2007
BREAKING NEWS!
MP, the bf, might be able to join the bffs and me for dinner tonight in the JC, NJ! I'm atwitter with joy!
Thursday, November 08, 2007
HIVES AND OUR NERDDD
Do you guys remember when I broke into hives during the same weekend that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was released? Even after making an appointment with an allergist, I joked to my friends that the hives must have been a psychosomatic reaction to my being in a state of panic over the whereabouts of my Amazon.com-ordered copy of the book. Of course, after months of allergy testing, which revealed that I was allergic to many things, yes, but nothing that should have caused the breakout that I experienced, I started to suspect that, perhaps, they were caused by stress.
Anyway, fast forward to this week. A friend recently gave me some troubling news--no worries, it's nothing that directly effects me. Afterwards, my heart was aflutter, my head hurt, and, surprise, a couple of hives daintly alighted on my cheek! It would appear, dear readers, that your Nerddd, in addition to having allergies that would make any nerd proud, has a psychosomatic disorder!
Awesome.
Anyway, fast forward to this week. A friend recently gave me some troubling news--no worries, it's nothing that directly effects me. Afterwards, my heart was aflutter, my head hurt, and, surprise, a couple of hives daintly alighted on my cheek! It would appear, dear readers, that your Nerddd, in addition to having allergies that would make any nerd proud, has a psychosomatic disorder!
Awesome.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
AMMA ON DATING
Saturday, 10/20/07, 1 day after my first date with MP:
Nerddd: ...oh, amma, it was all SO lovely...sigh...
Amma: So, when will he propose to you?
Nerddd: AMMA! We've been out once!
Amma: Well, how many more times does he need to go out with you before he proposes?
Nerddd: I'm walking away now.
Sunday, 10/28/07, 1 hour after my second date with MP:
Amma: How did it go?
Nerddd: Oh, amma, he's so LOVELY.
Amma: Did he say anything?
Nerddd: ...um, about what?
Amma: About marriage!
Nerddd: We're not having this conversation.
Tuesday, 10/30/07, 2 days after my second date with MP:
Amma: Wow, look at these beautiful engagement rings in this DeBeers catalog I received in the mail!
Nerddd (reading)
Amma: Sabila...I think you'd like something like this...
Nerddd (still reading)
Amma: Don't you want to think about what kind of ring you want.
Nerddd: AMMA! Two dates! Two dates!
Amma: ...I'm just saying...oooh. Look at that one.
Tuesday, 11/06/07, 3 days after my third date with MP:
Amma: Wouldn't you say meeting him three times is quite enough?
Nerddd: Err, no.
Amma: Fine.
Amma (after a brief pause): Sabila.
Nerddd: Hmm?
Amma: Don't go to his apartment, okay?!
Nerddd: Amma! Can we not talk about this.
Amma: And if it's raining the next time you see him, don't take the umbrella that he bought you.
Nerddd: Well, why not?
Amma: You don't want him to think that you don't own any umbrellas of your own.
Nerddd (A SEETHING SILENCE)
Nerddd: ...oh, amma, it was all SO lovely...sigh...
Amma: So, when will he propose to you?
Nerddd: AMMA! We've been out once!
Amma: Well, how many more times does he need to go out with you before he proposes?
Nerddd: I'm walking away now.
Sunday, 10/28/07, 1 hour after my second date with MP:
Amma: How did it go?
Nerddd: Oh, amma, he's so LOVELY.
Amma: Did he say anything?
Nerddd: ...um, about what?
Amma: About marriage!
Nerddd: We're not having this conversation.
Tuesday, 10/30/07, 2 days after my second date with MP:
Amma: Wow, look at these beautiful engagement rings in this DeBeers catalog I received in the mail!
Nerddd (reading)
Amma: Sabila...I think you'd like something like this...
Nerddd (still reading)
Amma: Don't you want to think about what kind of ring you want.
Nerddd: AMMA! Two dates! Two dates!
Amma: ...I'm just saying...oooh. Look at that one.
Tuesday, 11/06/07, 3 days after my third date with MP:
Amma: Wouldn't you say meeting him three times is quite enough?
Nerddd: Err, no.
Amma: Fine.
Amma (after a brief pause): Sabila.
Nerddd: Hmm?
Amma: Don't go to his apartment, okay?!
Nerddd: Amma! Can we not talk about this.
Amma: And if it's raining the next time you see him, don't take the umbrella that he bought you.
Nerddd: Well, why not?
Amma: You don't want him to think that you don't own any umbrellas of your own.
Nerddd (A SEETHING SILENCE)
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
THE CREST GLIDE: OH BABY
Thanks again for the array of comments to my newfound relationship. All of the comments are very heartfelt, albeit--at times--prejudice, ugly, and wholly wrong. But thanks anyway for your genuine interest.
Moving right along, let's discuss something a bit less incendiary: my new dental floss! The Crest Glide website asks its visitors to "Experience the Difference," and, trust you me, I've experienced that difference! The Crest Glide is soft on the gums (the floss I'd been using can probably slice fruits and vegetables), is soft on my fingers (like I said, my old floss slices things; it's practically a weapon), sliding it down to the roots of my teeth isn't an exercise in patience and bravery, and it leaves me with that "just-left-the-dentist's-office" feeling that even a good cleaning at my dentist's office doesn't give me anymore (what can I say? I'm jaded).
Talk abour life-changing meetings! Watch out MP, the Crest Glide and I are definitely forever.
Moving right along, let's discuss something a bit less incendiary: my new dental floss! The Crest Glide website asks its visitors to "Experience the Difference," and, trust you me, I've experienced that difference! The Crest Glide is soft on the gums (the floss I'd been using can probably slice fruits and vegetables), is soft on my fingers (like I said, my old floss slices things; it's practically a weapon), sliding it down to the roots of my teeth isn't an exercise in patience and bravery, and it leaves me with that "just-left-the-dentist's-office" feeling that even a good cleaning at my dentist's office doesn't give me anymore (what can I say? I'm jaded).
Talk abour life-changing meetings! Watch out MP, the Crest Glide and I are definitely forever.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
SIGHS
Thanks to the well-wishers and naysayers alike, for the comments made in response to the post below about this Nerddd's unexpected and new romance. I'm still sighing. Frankly, the emotional significance of this most wondrous event is distracting (I can hardly focus on anything) and while I promise a more nerdddy post tomorrow, tonight I leave the floor open to you. So, hi. And, go ahead: questions, concerns, rants, raves, words of wisdom, fyi's, whatever.
Friday, November 02, 2007
DEAR K WHO STUMBLED UPON MY BLOG AND BECAME A LITTLE SMITTEN WITH ME: An Open Letter
Dear K, who stumbled upon my blog and became a little smitten with me:
I appreciate your comment on my post entitled "Sleeplessness, Static, and Sushi: London, Day 2." For those who haven't read the comment, the single-letter-monikered K reveals his like for me and proposes that we meet. The comment is detailed, heartfelt, and flattering and, I appreciate your boldness, K. That being said, MP feels like a keeper and, honestly, I'm not one to date around (hell, I'm not one to date at all!), while dating someone who feels like a keeper in order to make sure that the keeper is actually just that: a keeper. Follow me? As far as I know, MP and I are exclusive (MP? Ahem). Still, my dear K, I think you're pretty darned wonderful and props to you for laying it all out there.
Would you consider being screened for one of my gorgeous, brilliant, and witty female friends?
Let me know.
Yours,
The Nerddd
I appreciate your comment on my post entitled "Sleeplessness, Static, and Sushi: London, Day 2." For those who haven't read the comment, the single-letter-monikered K reveals his like for me and proposes that we meet. The comment is detailed, heartfelt, and flattering and, I appreciate your boldness, K. That being said, MP feels like a keeper and, honestly, I'm not one to date around (hell, I'm not one to date at all!), while dating someone who feels like a keeper in order to make sure that the keeper is actually just that: a keeper. Follow me? As far as I know, MP and I are exclusive (MP? Ahem). Still, my dear K, I think you're pretty darned wonderful and props to you for laying it all out there.
Would you consider being screened for one of my gorgeous, brilliant, and witty female friends?
Let me know.
Yours,
The Nerddd
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Dear Halloween
Dear Halloween,
Happy belated you. Ahem. I'm sorry I failed to acknowledge you in my post yesterday. If it makes you feel any better, you aren't the only holiday I forgot to give a shout out to on my blog: I also forgot all about my parents' 37th wedding anniversary on the 30th (the anniversary had a post all to itself last year as well!). It's not you Halloween. Trust me, just like my parents' wedding anniversary remains one of the most significant dates in my history, you remain one of my favorite holidays. It seems, however, that most holidays have now taken a back seat to Manada (well, really, they've taken a backseat to the Manadian B, known previously to my readers as MP), and if I'm in a burning building with you and the Manadian B and I can only save one of you, I'm sorry but I'm going with the Manadian. I mean, you're sweet and all but a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do, right?
I'm hoping you understand and that we remain friends.
Yours,
The Nerddd
Happy belated you. Ahem. I'm sorry I failed to acknowledge you in my post yesterday. If it makes you feel any better, you aren't the only holiday I forgot to give a shout out to on my blog: I also forgot all about my parents' 37th wedding anniversary on the 30th (the anniversary had a post all to itself last year as well!). It's not you Halloween. Trust me, just like my parents' wedding anniversary remains one of the most significant dates in my history, you remain one of my favorite holidays. It seems, however, that most holidays have now taken a back seat to Manada (well, really, they've taken a backseat to the Manadian B, known previously to my readers as MP), and if I'm in a burning building with you and the Manadian B and I can only save one of you, I'm sorry but I'm going with the Manadian. I mean, you're sweet and all but a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do, right?
I'm hoping you understand and that we remain friends.
Yours,
The Nerddd
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